


Redemption

by Ebonrune



Series: Atonement [1]
Category: Marvel (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-17
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-14 10:09:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 37,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ebonrune/pseuds/Ebonrune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A century after Loki’s imprisonment, someone would eventually check on the prisoner--the monster, the traitor. This someone wore a red cape and held a hammer, but that’s insignificant. What does matter is what he saw, scrawled in blood on the grimy floor--words that were a hundred years too late: 'I am sorry'. But is anything ever too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rescue

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a one-shot, but at the pleading of several reviewers, I've decided to acquiesce to their wishes and write more. I own nothing but the idea which formed the story, and I make no profit from having written it. Characters within belong to Marvel. Summary (I believe) written by kaedith on Tumblr.

Thor scanned the walls of the forgotten place and found more words awaiting him there. Some, like the ones scrawled on the floor, were written in blood, once red and long since gone black. Others were merely imprinted through the grime and partially erased by time. Angry words, sorrowful words. Words swearing revenge, and words begging forgiveness. He stepped through the room slowly, reading the words written by the forsaken once Prince and he stopped at one wall. This wall seemed at first no different from the others, words scrawled across it begging forgiveness and promising pain if he ever escaped.  
  
Thor knelt down, crouching carefully in the dirt and looked at the words written at the bottom of the wall, scraped in over and over and smeared in blood both old and new. 'I am Loki', it said. One sentence over and over, written straight across the bottom of that wall. As if Loki had written it to remind himself of his name, of his existence.  
  
He straightened up again and turned, walking with slow, sure steps toward the opposite corner. In this corner, Loki was curled. He lay in the dirt, in the filth and the grime. It coated his body thickly so he almost blended into the place which had been his prison for so long. His hair was impossibly tangled into dark dreadlocks as dirty as the rest of him, lying long about his naked and filthy form like the legs of a hungry spider.  
  
Thor stopped when he stood over this sad creature, the one who had brought upon Asgard destruction and ruin. There was nothing to Loki's figure, so thin and neglected, that was like the arrogant Trickster who had stood before the shining city and ordered his minions to bring about its downfall so long before. Asgard had won that day, but only barely. Ragnarok had been averted, but only just, and Loki had been found, captured and then thrown into this foul pit to rot.  
  
And now, a century later when Thor finally had leave to come to Loki, take the chance to ask him why, ask him what had driven him to his act of ultimate betrayal, he wondered if the answer mattered any more. Here was the one who had been his brother, and was his brother still. The Frost Giant who wore an Aesir skin, who was called monster, and who had betrayed. But perhaps it was Loki who had been betrayed first. Maybe the answer mattered after all, for how else would Thor know how to prevent it a second time?  
  
"Loki." He spoke, his voice soft but piercing in the otherwise silence.  
  
Loki jerked and turned, eyes wide in surprise. He had taken no note of Thor's soft footfalls, perhaps in his long isolation he had forgotten what footsteps sounded like. Thor stared into those green eyes, wide with terror but dull with magic long chained by the collar around his neck. Once it had been polished gold, but now it was as dirty as the rest of him. Those eyes were like a deer's eyes, Thor thought. The eyes of cornered prey. Eyes Loki was never meant to have.  
  
Slowly the terror faded from those eyes, to be replaced by an emotion Thor didn't understand, for he had never seen bleak despair before and so could not recognize it. "One and one and one again." Loki spoke softly, his voice slurred and clumsy, his once quick and clever tongue slow and sluggish from disuse. "One and one and one. You have come. You are here." He turned slowly in the grime and sat up, keeping his eyes on Thor's the entire time he moved.  
  
"I am here." Thor answered him, though he was uncertain what Loki meant.  
  
Loki glanced at Mjölnir, then back at Thor and a strange hope began to bloom in his eyes. "It is time?"  
  
Thor frowned slightly in puzzlement. "I've come to get you, Loki."  
  
"Yes." Loki sighed and his eyes closed briefly before he opened them once more. He began to smile and tears escaped his eyes to work their stubborn way down his cheeks, creating furrows in the dirt. "Loki. I am Loki. You are so kind to say it. So kind." He shifted into a kneel before Thor and bowed his head.  
  
It was several moments before Thor realized what Loki was doing, and that realization struck him to his very core. He was sitting such as a condemned man would sit before his executioner.  
  
Thor reached down to grasp a filthy arm and pull Loki all unresisting, to his feet. "No, brother." He said, pain in his eyes and voice. "I haven't come to kill you. I've come to take you home."  
  
The confusion in Loki's eyes quite nearly broke Thor's heart and then he looked at the hand grasping his arm. "Brother....?" He intoned softly. His head snapped back up, expression an open mask of shocked surprise. "You are Thor."  
  
Thor's heart _did_ break then. It had been so long that Loki had forgotten what Thor looked like. Caring not for the grime that coated Loki's body, Thor pulled him close in an embrace. "It's time to go home, brother." He spoke softly. "I'm here to take you home."  
  
"Home...." Loki closed his eyes and leaned against Thor. He allowed himself to be led out into the light, allowed himself to be taken back to Asgard.  
  
It was not only Loki's words that had come a hundred years too late, but so had Thor's. Loki's penance was over, but for Thor it was only just beginning.


	2. Penance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You pleaded, you begged, you offered your first born children! I now present to you hopefully exactly what you were hoping for. I own nothing but the idea which formed the story, and I make no profit from having written it. Characters within belong to Marvel.

It was heartbreaking watching Loki's expression as Thor carried him, wrapped in his cloak, into Asgard. Loki stared about at everything with awe and fear by turns as if he'd never seen any of it before. Arriving on the Bifröst, he had stared at Heimdall in confusion, then been distracted when he was carried outside and saw the Rainbow Bridge. He'd stared at it in fascination, then tears had escaped his eyes and he'd smiled. "Pretty." He'd whispered.

Thor didn't know what to think of any of it. He'd bundled his brother closer to himself when they'd reached the palace proper, turning his face gently away from the stares of others. He wished he could close his ears against the mutterings, but fortunately Loki didn't seem to notice the scorn and disgust.

Thor had to admit to himself that he hadn't thought much past getting Loki home, but he also had to admit that he couldn't possibly have anticipated it would be as bad as it was. He hadn't thought Loki would be naked or so filthy, and he hadn't thought that a mere hundred years--normally nothing more than a blinking to an Asgardian--could rob the glib trickster of his wits. He had to talk to their parents, but first he knew, he had to take care of Loki.

He entered Loki's room, which he'd ordered cleaned the day before in anticipation of fetching back his sibling. It still smelled a little musty from having been closed up for so long, but all Thor cared was if they had restocked the bathing room. Nudging the door open with his foot, he entered with his fragile cargo and set Loki down by the empty pool before straightening and going to find heating stones for the water as well as soaps, pleased when he discovered both in abundance. 

Turning to come back with his findings, he noticed dirty footprints and paused, frowning before he realized that they were his own. He felt a flash of panic, imagining how furious Loki would be before he remembered that Loki barely knew his own name. The smile that touched the Thunderer's lips was without humor as he continued his short trip back to the younger. It would be so much better if Loki would be angry with him. It would be preferable to this broken thing wearing his sibling's skin.

Loki hadn't moved from where he'd been placed, holding the cloak around himself with loose fingers, head hanging low with some of his dreadlocked hair obscuring his filthy face. Looking at him, Thor felt his heart crack anew and he wondered again how such a short span of time could have broken him so completely.

He knelt at the younger's side to deposit the soaps and stones, then reached out to turn on the spigot. The water sputtered at first and ran a rusty color for a few moments before the apparatus shuddered and the water turned clear. Satisfied that it would fill up properly, Thor turned to Loki only to pause at the expression on the once trickster's face.

Loki had his head cocked slightly to the side, watching the water with absolute incomprehension, as if he didn't know what he was looking at and Thor slowly settled back on his legs as conflicting emotions crashed though his mind. He slowly reached out to grasp his arm after a few moments. "Loki."

Loki's attention shifted immediately, his eyes meeting Thor almost shyly. "Thor." He acknowledged him, and there was such naked joy in his voice that it once more sent conflicting emotions through Thor. Tears pricked his eyes.

"Please," Thor whispered, voice choked. "Please tell me this is a trick, a joke. I deserve it, I know I deserve it, but please...."

But Loki's expression only became confused, and Thor let out a laugh that was mostly a sob.

"Come brother, let's get you cleaned up."

\------------------------------------------------------------

Thor had had to empty and refill the tub several times in the process of scrubbing Loki clean. Loki had not protested this process, nor the rough bathing Thor subjected him to, even when the Thunder God accidentally rubbed his skin raw. He didn't even protest when Thor took a dagger to his hair, cutting most of it off to be rid of the filthy, knotted dreads. 

Finally, after two hours of cleaning every inch of Loki that he could possibly clean, Thor drained the tub one last time and helped Loki out so he could dry him--and himself--and guide Loki gently to walk on his own feet out to the main room and bed, where he directed him to sit so he could find clothes for him to wear.

Coming back several minutes later with green silk pants, Thor found--unsurprisingly at this point--that he had to help Loki to put them on. With his heart in his eyes, Thor reached out afterward to cup the back of Loki's head in his hand and draw their foreheads together. "I am so sorry, brother." He whispered. "I didn't know, I couldn't have known....I'll make this right somehow, I promise."

Loki stood placidly while Thor held him, expression absolutely bewildered as if he couldn't process what was being said to him. Thor drew back slowly and swallowed hard.

"You should get some rest, Loki...." He spoke thickly. "I need to....I need to speak to our parents. I will bring you food later." He couldn't bear it any longer and turned to go, trying to convince himself that he wasn't running away. He stopped by his own room long enough to get clean and dry clothing, and then headed swiftly to the throne room.

"Father. Mother." He greeted them without preamble once he saw that Odin was not currently attending to anything.

"Thor." Frigga smiled to her son. "Come to reclaim your throne?"

"Not yet." Thor looked to Odin, noting his weary appearance and he stepped closer. "Father, can you yet remain for perhaps a few days longer? I am sorry. I do not mean to neglect the throne, but Loki...." He paused, swallowing hard and looking between them. "Loki is not well."

"It is expected that he would be weakened after his exile." Odin spoke. "Do not give him--"

"It is more than that, Father." Thor inclined his head to the Allfather, reminded of their current switch in rank from the look he was given. "Apologies for interrupting, Father....but it is more than that. Loki is...." He pursed his lips and shook his head. "He is an idiot."

"Thor?" Frigga frowned.

"He barely remembers his own name, Mother." Thor spread his hands imploringly. "He didn't even know who I was until I called him brother. He has forgotten everything, even how to dress himself. His exile has taken his glib words as well, he barely seems able to form a sentence!" Thor's distress was evident by the end, eyes wide and filled with tears.

Odin and Frigga exchanged a glance, then looked back at their eldest. "How can you be certain this is not a trick of his, Thor?" Frigga asked, clasping her hands together tightly as she spoke.

Thor thought about it, frowning deeply and furrowing his brow. ".....I don't." He admitted at last, reluctantly. "Save that I cannot imagine Loki being willing to degrade himself quite that much." But it _had_ been a century since Loki had last been seen. Perhaps in that time, he had become willing to fake helplessness and incomprehension.

He bowed deeply to his parents. "Until Loki gives me reason to believe he is performing a trick, I can only assume it is the truth. Just please, give me a few days more. Can you give me that time?"

Odin sighed heavily, but then he inclined his head. "Care for your brother then, Thor. It is your compassion which helps to make you a good King."

"Will you come to see him?" Thor asked, trying not to sound like he was begging. They would be able to confirm the truth or fakery with their own eyes that way.

"Later." Frigga responded, and gave Thor a slight smile. "Once court is concluded, perhaps we will come then."

Thor nodded and, with nothing else to say, departed their company to grab food for Loki and then return to the younger's room with it.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Thor entered Loki's room to find him curled up in a tight ball on his canopy bed. Uncertain whether he was asleep or not, Thor moved as quietly as he could to put down the tray of food on what had once been Loki's worktable and then stepped over to the bed.

Loki's eyes were open, his face tear-stained. He shifted his gaze when Thor approached and relief came over his expression.

"You are here." He said, pushing himself into a sit. "You came back."

Thor furrowed his brow and moved to sit beside him. "Of course I came back, Loki. I said I was going to speak to our parents and then bring you food, which I have done."

Loki showed confusion before he mimicked Thor's expression and frowned. "Oh....yes, you did say that." He smiled in embarrassment and brought his hands up to rub his eyes with his palms.

Thor licked his lips and stared at Loki worryingly. Had his exile truly made him so simple, or was this really an elaborate ruse as Frigga surmised? Noticing something, Thor's gaze shifted to look at Loki's neck. The choker which kept Loki's magic locked away caught the light dully, but Thor was more interested in the red marks around it.

"Was the choker bothering you, Loki?" Thor asked slowly.

Loki blinked at him, then slowly brought a hand up to his neck. "Don't like it." He said. "Itches, burns, hurts." He looked up at Thor, his expression imploring. "Take it off?"

Thor frowned. As the King of Asgard, he had the key to unlock it. However, he was left wondering if he should. Like this, Loki was all but harmless, or at least couldn't cause nearly as much mischief, presuming that his odd behavior was an act. That aside, if it _wasn't_ a trick and Loki really was this bad off, would his magic cause problems for him? With all he had forgotten, what if he hurt himself?

"I'll have to think about it." Thor responded at length. He'd have to talk to Frigga after she would come to see Loki about the problems his magic might cause him.

Loki dropped his gaze, fingers curling loosely over the choker. "Please?" He intoned softly. "Hate it."

"I'm sure you do Loki, but it's not that simple. Releasing your magic is something that needs to be carefully considered, and there are many of Asgard who are upset enough that you're even here. I have to take into account what the people want, too."

"Why?" Loki blinked at him.

".....I am King, Loki."

"King?" Loki stared for several moments before he gave an open-mouthed smile that was quite unlike his old expressions. "Are you a good King?"

Thor smiled a bit back, trying not to look uncomfortable at Loki's strangeness. "The Nine Realms haven't fallen yet, so I would like to think so."

Loki brought up a hand to pat Thor's cheek. "Keep it up."

Thor laughed softly, though his eyes were sad. "I'll do my best." He moved to stand up. "Come brother, you should eat. I've brought plenty of food for you."

Loki nodded and followed the older over to the table, though he wouldn't sit until Thor did, and he refused to touch the food until Thor handed him a loaf of bread and told him to eat it.

Thor watched Loki as he ate in silent concern. The younger had also lost his table manners and ate in the way he had so oft in the past scorned Thor for doing. Surely this was no trick. Loki would never degrade himself to such a level. No, Thor was becoming more and more convinced that, distressing as this was, it was the truth.

Once Loki had gotten started, he didn't stop eating again until he'd cleaned up every last scrap and even snapped the bones in half to get at the cooked marrow inside. With the plate seeming almost clean enough to eat off yet a second time, Loki finally sat back and patted his midsection contently. "Full."

"Are you certain, brother?" Thor asked in all seriousness. "I could fetch more for you if you wished."

"Kings don't fetch." Loki licked his fingers. "Full." He repeated and smiled at Thor in what seemed to be child-like happiness. "Good food."

Thor looked back at him mournfully for a couple of moments before he stood, stepping around the table to Loki's side. With a groan of emotional pain, he sank to a kneel at Loki's side, reaching out to hug him and bury his face in his torso.

"Forgive me, Loki." He whispered, voice choked. "I didn't know you would be like this, I couldn't have known! If I had I would have brought you back sooner in spite of it all, I swear I would have!"

Loki didn't respond, his body tense in Thor's embrace. Slowly though, Thor felt Loki relax again and then fingers were lightly running though his hair.

"Don't lie to me." Loki spoke softly in a tone that was far more familiar. "I'm the liar, not you."

Thor's head came up in surprise, half-expecting the ruse to finally be over, only to find that though the voice and words were more of the old Loki, his facial expressions still weren't matching up. Loki looked back at Thor with an expression of tired sadness and he moved his hand to stroke Thor's beard, his thumb catching and wiping away an errant tear that escaped Thor's eye.

"Kings don't cry." He chided gently.

"Kings may cry if they choose to." Thor responded, trying to keep his voice from wavering too much. If Loki was going to reveal a trick, now would have been the time to do it with Thor kneeling at his side. That there seemed to be no trick washed away the last of his doubts. This was the truth, and Loki was broken.

The tableau was shattered abruptly when there was a firm knocking at the door, Thor quickly rose to his feet and wiped at his eyes before he called for the knocker to enter.

The door opened and Frigga stepped in with Odin behind her. She began to smile when her eyes settled upon her sons, but then she paused and the smile became a worried frown. Odin too stopped beside his wife, brow furrowed. Thor at first didn't know what the problem was until a strangled noise from behind him prompted him to turn and look at Loki, who was staring at them in abject terror. As if Thor's turning was some kind of cue, he abruptly launched himself out of the chair with enough force to send it flipping over several times. He bolted for the far corner, and as they watched in perplexed concern, he stuffed himself tightly into it facing the wall, covering his face with both hands.

"No no no, please, no no no!" He crouched in the corner as if trying to hide. "I'm good. I'm good. Please, no. Please, no....oh please....I'll be good."

Thor approached slowly and crouched down by him, feeling almost like he was approaching an injured and half-feral animal. "Loki, what is it?" He reached out to put a hand to a trembling shoulder.

"Don't want to go back. Please. I'm good now, I'm good. I'm sorry, I'm good!"

"......Go back? Loki, no. You're here on Asgard, and....unless you give me good reason, I'm not going to banish you. You're safe. I promise you're safe. No one is going to hurt you. I won't let them."

Loki lifted his head, face tear streaked and expression fearful. "Promise safe...." He looked back at their parents and then shrank back against the wall. "Not safe."

"You _are_ safe." Thor insisted. "I am King, and my word is law in Asgard. If I say you are safe, then you are safe."

"......Don't lie to me." Loki gave a half-hearted glare that made Thor smile slightly in spite of himself in joy for a more familiar expression in spite of the words.

"You're safe." Thor repeated afterward. "Mother and Father are here to see you, not hurt you. I promise, Loki. I swear you are safe here."

"Mayhaps it is too soon." Frigga suggested quietly, looking pained, though not as pained as Odin seemed to be. "We should depart, and try again another day when he is perhaps more rational."

"Mother!" The cry was plaintive, and Frigga turned back to see Loki reaching out a hand to her. Though he was long grown and hadn't needed her for centuries beforehand, he was as ever her son and she could not ignore his plea. Looking apologetically to her husband, she then lifted her skirts and hurried to Loki's side. 

Thor moved hastily aside as they reached for one another and looked on as they clung to one another tightly. He looked to Odin, who slowly inclined his head to Thor. "I understand his fear, my son." He intoned softly. "I was the King who banished him, and in his state perhaps he does not remember what he did to deserve it. I do not seek his forgiveness. It is enough that he has you, and his mother. I know you will care for him, Thor. I will hold your throne in trust until you can return to it."

"Thank you, Allfather." Thor replied, and stood to see him out, exchanging a quick hug before closing the door and turning back to Frigga and Loki. In spite of Odin's words, he knew he couldn't neglect the throne for long, having only had it for fifty one years--a paltry time. The denizens of Asgard wouldn't forgive their young King for neglecting the throne when he was doing so for the traitor who had nearly brought Ragnarok down upon their heads. Yet what was he to do? There were questions piling up without answers in sight and he moved to a chair to sit wearily upon it and put his head in his hands. Ruling Asgard was easy compared to this.


	3. Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am truly blown away by the reactions I'm getting in response to this fic. Thank you all for your reviews, I hope I can continue to deliver the kind of material you're expecting. I own nothing but the plot, and I make no profit from having written it. Characters within belong to Marvel.

_"You are going to do it, aren't you, Loki." Balder said, standing near the door in the reception room usually reserved for diplomats from the other realms. The words sounded like a question, but the tone made it a statement and Loki furrowed his brow, glancing at the other from where he stood by the window._

_"You are back in Asgard, and we are to celebrate your return." Loki's voice was puzzled. "What is it I am to be doing?"_

_Balder smiled slightly, the expression warm and amused. "You're about to reset the Cycle. But it's a little soon, isn't it?"_

_Loki sighed in exasperation and turned to look at the other god. "Enough. We have been centuries separated, but I do not remember your words being so cryptic. You are not a wordsmith, Balder. Just be clear."_

_Balder smiled more and Loki found himself reminded of the many ways that the other God had infuriated him, that arrogance which had led Loki to poison him with ground up mistletoe many centuries before, though at the time he hadn't intended for Balder to nearly die from it. "You invited me here, for you intend to bring about Ragnarok." Balder stated._

_Loki gave him a queer look, but inwardly he was panicking. How could Balder possibly know what he planned? That he had in truth sent the letter of apology for the long ago childhood jealousy and a wish for reconciliation in order to lure Balder back to Asgard where he could be killed and so be rid of the only warrior who could not die in battle before Loki let Asgard's enemies in?_

_"Your time in the company of Karnilla has made you strange, Balder." Loki said, crossing his arms. "Such a thing to accuse me of. I should be insulted!"_

_"Yet you are not." Balder pointed out, seeing through Loki's lies as he always had. "You have brought me here to kill me."_

_Loki snorted. "If you suspected such a thing of me, then why did you come?"_

_"Because I was curious." Balder shrugged as if the conversation was of a far more casual topic. "It's too soon, so I thought maybe this time I was wrong. But no, all the signs are there."_

_Loki forced a laugh, but it sounded manic and he knew there was no convincing Balder that he was wrong. He turned away, working his jaw. ".....There needs to be a cleansing fire."_

_"In time." Balder agreed, much to Loki's surprise. "But not yet. It's too soon, by several centuries at least. You'll fail."_

_"....I might." Loki said at length. "But I need to try. I've come too far, planned too much...."_

_"I'll play the part I must," Balder said, once more surprising Loki. "But this is too soon. Asgard is too strong, and she will withstand your efforts. You will fail."_

Loki opened his eyes. He had fallen asleep in Frigga's arms to the tune of a gentle lullaby, and now he woke on his bed, the coherency of the dream already fading. He rolled onto his back and sprawled out, staring at the roof of his canopy bed.

It was hard to believe he was really back in Asgard. A part of him was still convinced that he had finally lost the last dredges of his mind and succumbed absolutely to insanity. Still, even if this was a fallacy, he didn't think he minded. Thor loved him and so did Frigga. He got to eat food, drink wine and feel clean. He thought perhaps he liked the feeling of being clean the most.

But if it was real.... Loki frowned and sat up to look around at the closed curtains of his bed. If it was real, then what would happen next? Thor said he was King and would protect him, but that had to be a lie. Not about being King, Loki believed that. But why would Thor protect him when Loki had done that Bad Thing? And he _was_ still being punished....

His hands came up to claw at his neck, digging desperately at the collar to try and get a grip on it so as to try and tear it off. But just like every other time, all he succeeded in doing was hurting himself. He stopped, emitting little whimpers and looked at his nail-bitten hands. Maybe if he could just leave them alone long enough to let them grow, maybe then he'd be able to get the damnable thing off.

Knowing it was futile, he scratched at his neck again anyway and then gave a scream of frustration when he once more failed. He turned to viciously attack his pillow, tearing and biting at it like a feral animal in his anger.

A curtain was ripped aside and Thor stood there. "Loki! .....What are you doing?"

Loki paused in his assault on the hapless pillow and then let go of it, spitting out a feather and curling up a bit. "Got angry."

"Angry?" Thor moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "I thought you were asleep. What were you angry about, brother?"

Loki looked back at Thor with a distressed expression, and then brought up a hand to curl over the choker. "Want it off. Take it off. Please take it off."

Thor frowned, brows furrowing and expression turning troubled. "Loki. I told you, it's not that easy." He reached out to grasp Loki's arm and pull his hand away from his neck. "You're.....you're not well. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Loki stared at him for several moments before he lowered his head and sat back, drawing his arm close to him when Thor released it and curling in on himself. "How long?" How long was he going to continue to be punished for the Bad Thing?

Thor looked upset. "Until you're better, Loki. I spoke with Mother after you fell asleep, and she agrees. You've.....forgotten so much, brother."

"Forgotten. Yes." Loki smoothed down a bit of his blanket and picked up a loose feather to tease between his fingers clumsily, looking down. "But will remember."

"Yes, you will remember." Thor agreed. "I'm sure you'll be fine in no time at all, brother." He smiled slightly and moved to stand. "It is still night, Loki. You should try to get some more rest. Do you mind if I retire to my own chambers.....or do you still wish for company?"

Loki looked up at him, and then he forced a smile. "Kings should sleep and rest well." He lay down atop his covers, curling up tightly. "Sleep. I'll be good."

Thor smiled sadly. "......I believe you, brother." He said softly and reached up to pull the curtains shut around the bed.

Loki waited until he heard Thor leave and then he all but exploded from the bed, tumbling off and almost slamming headfirst into the floor, but managing to awkwardly roll and end up on his side instead. He lay there, laughing at first, but then dissolving into sobs. He was afraid that he would never be 'better', not enough to satisfy Thor anyway. This was just another prison, a prettier one yes, but no less a prison. He curled up there on the ice bear rug and sniffled. If there had been one good thing about That Place, at least there he hadn't been tortured by false hopes.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Morning broke, and with it came Thor, knocking lightly on Loki's door and then entering even though he had received no answer. He looked over toward the bed, which still had the drapes closed even though he could clearly see the bedding had been stripped and for some reason put by the balcony door. It wasn't until a sleep-rumpled head emerged from the pile of bedding that Thor realized what was going on.

"Loki!" Thor laughed and walked over to the table to set down the breakfast tray he'd brought before approaching the younger. "What are you doing, brother? Did your bed not prove comfortable enough for you?"

Loki looked down and fiddled with the blankets surrounding him. "Felt trapped." He spoke softly.

"Trapped?" Thor looked puzzled for a few moments before he sighed softly and smiled slightly again. "Well come on, brother. I brought breakfast for you." He helped Loki to untangle himself and led him over to the table to sit with him and watch him once more consume everything and then lick the plate clean. He imagined Loki would likely eat in this famished way for a while, but while he might have imagined it, Thor thought that maybe Loki was a little more efficient with his eating this time.

"Do you want more?" He asked once Loki was done sucking the marrow out of the last of the bones.

"Full." Loki pronounced happily and then looked at Thor. "Now what?"

Thor shrugged and smiled to him. "In the afternoon, I've decided I will take the throne back from Father--I am King and I really should be doing it--but I am here for you until then. What do you want to do, brother? We could walk around Asgard. Things have changed while you're gone."

Loki started shaking his head, slowly at first and then more vigorously. "No. No no." He curled up on his chair. "Don't want to."

Thor stood up and went to his side of the table, putting a hand on his shoulder. "...What's wrong, Loki?"

Loki hid his face in his knees. "They hate me. For the Bad Thing."

"The bad...." Thor trailed off and frowned. "Loki. Do you remember what you did?"

Loki lifted his head, looking off. ".....Bad Thing." He said at last. "Big Bad Thing." He shook his head and hid his face against his knees again.

Thor sighed softly. "It's alright, Loki. You paid for it regardless. Don't worry about it right now." He squeezed his shoulder. "What do you want to do?" He looked around the room for inspiration. "I could read to you, if you would like."

Loki lifted his head. ".....You don't read."

Thor felt a flash of familiar irritation at the accusation, but when he looked back at Loki he found the younger smiling uncertainly at him and he realized he was being teased. Irritation turned into exaltation and he could have whooped with joy. Though Loki clearly still had a long recovery ahead, his mischievous nature seemed to be coming back and Thor never thought he'd be so glad to see it.

"I might not read as much as you," He said, unable to help the grin spreading across his face. "but I know how thanks to your insistent badgering when we were children." He knelt to be at eye level with Loki. "Do you remember that, Loki? How you used to be endlessly after me to learn my letters even though I didn't want to?"

"Yes." Loki was smiling more too, though he seemed to be mimicking Thor's, which appeared strange on a face usually given to more reserved expressions. "Stupid, stubborn Thor. Would rather go beat heads in."

Thor let the insult slide and chuckled. "You have always known the value of lessons I could not see." He acknowledged. "I am grateful Loki, for all the things you have forced me to learn that I didn't want to."

Loki's smile faded, and confusion settled in its place. "You never listened."

"No, because I was stupid and stubborn and would rather beat heads in." Thor smiled again, though not as widely and gave Loki's leg an affectionate pat before becoming more serious. "I've since learned the value of the lessons you tried to teach me, and I'm only sorry I wasn't ready to listen when you were the one teaching them to me. You deserved better than that."

Loki gave a watery smile and reached out to put a hand on Thor's cheek. "You're a good King now." He said softly. "You do good. I'm happy. I'm proud."

"Thank you." Thor smiled back to him, though he felt like his heart was breaking anew. He said he was proud of him, but this sweet-mannered, gentle person wasn't really Loki yet and that hurt. Loki was supposed to deliver his praise offhandedly, as if it something barely worth mentioning, because Thor knew that was how Loki gave his most sincere compliments. Stating it so baldfaced like this was the lie, even if right now Loki wasn't really telling one. It just wasn't....Loki.

"I'll find a good book." He told Loki, standing up to head to the long untouched bookshelf and find perhaps a book of myths and fables. Loki had so loved stories....

\------------------------------------------------------------

Returning that evening, again with a tray of food. Thor found Loki sitting on the floor by the balcony window, staring outside. He glanced over at Thor, but then looked away again.

Thor set the tray down on the table and stepped over to settle beside him. "Loki?"

"Bifröst."

"Hm? What about it?"

"It's called the Bifröst." Loki put his chin in his hand. "The Gatekeeper is named Heimdall, and he sees all in the Nine Realms."

Thor blinked, but then he began to smile. "You're remembering! Loki, this is wonderful!"

Loki drew his legs up to his chest. "I'm a monster."

The sentence was delivered so casually, so offhandedly that Thor found himself more shocked than if Loki had spat it out in anger. His eyes narrowed.

"Who told you that?"

Loki looked away and curled up a bit tighter. ".....Didn't have to." He spoke softly. "Just know it."

"It is an untruth, Loki." Thor said firmly. "Doing....what you have done does not make you a monster."

"Jötun."

Thor sighed. "Yes, you are a Frost Giant. That too means nothing. They are not monsters either, only a harsh people made so by the world on which they live."

Loki laughed softly, a sad sound. He shook his head. "Monster."

"Loki." Thor reached out to clasp his shoulder and give him a shake. "You are my brother. Though not by blood, you are still my brother. My brother is not a monster." Shifting a little closer, he tugged Loki over to hug him. "You are Loki, son of Odin, brother of Thor and brother of Balder."

Loki closed his eyes. "Balder is dead."

"He was." Thor agreed. "But we were able to barter his return from Hela, along with many other fallen warriors from her and the Valkyries. But come, Loki. Such dour things are in the past! Worry not....only please do not commit such actions again. I would rather have you at my side than locked away."

Loki snorted softly, but then he smiled. As always, something was missing in his expression, but he was acting more coherent than he had only the day before, so Thor was confident and hopeful that his recovery would continue to be swift.

\------------------------------------------------------------

With food long eaten, and Thor gone after showing Loki how to tie back the curtains around his bed should he feel 'trapped' again, Loki sat on the floor by the balcony again, staring out through the window. Contrary to what Thor no doubt believed, Loki knew how to open the door and he could go outside if he wanted to. He had tried earlier, but as soon as the outside air had touched him, panic had set in and he'd slammed the door shut again.

So long as he remained in his room, he would be safe. No one would hurt him as long as he was in his room. He'd even be safe from Odin he was sure, so long as he stayed in his room. He deserved to be hurt yes, he deserved to be killed. But if he stayed in his room, they would see how good he was now. They would see that he was good, and then maybe they wouldn't _want_ to hurt him.

Except there was a problem. He curled his knees up to his chest. Balder was alive. Balder who had told him not to do the Bad Thing, who had died because Loki had decided he had to. Balder hated him, he had to hate him. Frigga loved him, and Thor too for some reason, but Balder surely hated him and if Balder found out where Loki was..... He whimpered softly and buried his face in his knees. Not even his room could keep him safe from Balder.

But he was good now! So so very good now! He would prove it, prove it to them all! He would show Thor most of all how good he was, and then maybe Thor would finally end his punishment and take the collar off. Then he would be safe everywhere, not just in his room. He would be better, Thor would see. They would all see! Loki would be better, Loki would be good.

He crawled away from the window and curled up on the ice bear rug, running his fingers through its fur. Ice bears came from Jötunheim, and so did Loki. Loki was a Jötun, and so it made sense for him to have an ice bear rug in his room. He inched himself to the far end of the rug and reached back to pull the pelt over him, wrapping himself up in it and relaxing, feeling safe and cocooned in the fur.

Did Jötun do this to stay warm? No, that was silly. Jötun didn't need to be warm at all. But then why did Loki feel so cold, when he was like them? Asgard wasn't cold. That Place had been cold, though. Cold, dark and quiet. So quiet all he'd had was his own voice, and then he'd lost that too. Then there had been the words, so many words. How long had he been writing those words on the walls of That Place?

Loki closed his eyes and whimpered softly. He was out of That Place, and now he was in Asgard. Thor loved him and Frigga loved him, but it hurt so much here. He was so lonely, so confused and so scared. If only Thor would tell him what to do, so he could be better. He'd do anything just to be better, just to be free. Maybe if he promised not to lie anymore? But no....because that would be a lie. Thor would find out and punish him again.

Maybe all he had to do was ask? Thor wanted him to be better, he had said so hadn't he? He wanted him at his side, not locked away. So if Loki asked, maybe Thor would tell him, and then he could be better and be free.

He burrowed into the ice bear rug and sighed softly as he began to fall asleep. Yes. He would ask, he would be better and Thor would set him free. He would show everyone then how good he was now. Maybe they would finally be proud of him.


	4. Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, the bane of writing two fics simultaneously; you get inspiration for one when you're supposed to be working on the other. But not to worry, I have every intention of keeping to my update pattern, even if I don't have a firm timetable. I own nothing but the plot, and I make no profit from having written it. Characters within belong to Marvel.  
> Some of you have been concerned, so: **If people are showing interest in a story, so long as I am able to write, I will not abandon it.**

_Fire._

_Asgard was burning, but parts of it was encased in ice as well. The fire demons and the Frost Giants, normally mortal foes but willing to put their animosity aside for this opportunity to bring destruction down upon their mutual enemy._

_Loki watched their progression from a building roof, one of the few that had not yet been attacked. He was reluctant to join the fray, but he felt that perhaps they didn't need his help anyway. Asgard had been joined in celebration and then in grief when Balder fell. They had not been prepared for seige. The warriors had been slow to rally, though that was in good part due to Loki not only incapacitating Heimdall but also destroying the Gjallerhorn, which would have given them warning._

_No. Let them have their battle. He would only watch and plan, and perhaps if he stayed out of the combat, he would escape the rebirth and therefore be able to shape Asgard to a more fitting image without need of his backup plan. A glint of silver and red caught his attention, and his hand shifted on his runed staff. Thor, and he was heading straight for him._

_Loki hissed and moved back from the edge of the roof. Thor his brother, Thor his enemy. But no. This was not what he wanted. He....he lo....._

_"Loki!" The thunderer lashed out at him and Loki barely got his staff up in time to block. "What have you done?! You have let the enemies in the gates!"_

_Loki barked a harsh laugh and pushed back against Thor, though his expression was pained. "What would the Golden Son understand of my motives?! I'll not explain myself to you!"_

_"I trusted you!" Thor cried out, angry and anguished both. "I believed when you told that lie! Balder is...."_

_"Dead!" Loki snarled, loosing one hand from his staff to ready a spell. "As soon you shall be as well! Ragnarok comes for us all, Odinson! Each and every one!"_

Loki awoke with a cry, jerking upright in bed and staring around with wide eyes in the dim, disoriented. He sat there, almost too afraid to move and found himself wondering how he got there when he remembered falling asleep on the ice bear rug.

The curtain closest to him parted and Frigga sat down by him. She gave him a gentle smile and reached out to take his hand. "Good morning, Loki." She greeted him softly. "Did you have a bad dream?"

Loki looked down at the hand she was clasping before he pulled away with a whimper and hunched up, gripping his elbows. "Yes..." He whispered, looking down. If she knew what he had dreamed, still vivid in his mind unlike earlier nightmares, then she would surely hate him. Had to hate him. The Bad Thing which had a name. A terrible terrible name.

Frigga looked at him silently for several moments. "Do you want to tell me?" She asked, but only nodded in acceptance when he shook his head. "Alright, Loki." Her voice was gentle and eternally patient. She moved to stand. "Your brother left breakfast for you and asked me to wait for you to wake up." She laughed softly. "You fell asleep on the rug. Do you remember?"

"Yes...." Loki looked up at her. "It was soft."

She laughed softly and began tying back the curtains on his side of the bed. "Yes, it is quite soft." She agreed. "I think the bed is more comfortable to sleep on, though. Don't you?"

Loki looked down again and clenched his hands on his elbows. ".....Not used to soft things." He uttered softly.

Frigga was silent for several moments, then turned away. "Come now, Loki. Let us break fast together, shall we?"

Loki got up and followed her to the table. Frigga had been told by Thor that Loki showed reluctance to eat if he didn't eat with him, but Loki had already begun to dig into the food before Frigga had even sat down. She stole a handful of grapes and a loaf of bread for herself, but left the rest of the food for her son and watched in amazement when he ate the food that had been intended for him and Thor both, licking the plate clean afterward.

"Loki." She spoke gently. "I thought I'd taught you better manners than that."

She'd intended it as a lighthearted tease, but Loki paused mid-motion and then dropped the plate as if it had burned him. "Sorry, Mother." He said, ducking his head and looking absolutely stricken.

Frigga leaned forward in concern. "Loki?"

"I'm good, Mother. I am. I'm sorry. I'll do better, I promise." He hunched in on himself as if he was readying himself for a blow.

Frigga stood up slowly, her motions measured so as not to frighten him with sudden movements and stepped around to hug him close to her breast. "My dear, sweet boy." She whispered, finding herself understanding now why Thor had apologized when he'd asked her to spend time with Loki, for her heart was breaking into pieces. "It's alright. I'm not angry with you."

He turned toward her, arms snaking around to cling to the back of her dress and she found herself not caring about the possible grease stains he would leave there, feeling him trembling.

"Loki." She spoke softly. "Why are you so afraid?"

"I'm good." He whispered. "I am. I really really am."

"I know you are, Loki." Frigga soothed, rubbing his back. "What are you afraid of?"

"Don't want to go back. I'm good now, I'm good."

"Shh, shh...." She rocked him as best she could. "You're safe, my son. You're safe. I'm not angry with you."

It was only at the last sentence that he relaxed and Frigga thought she understood, realizing that Loki wouldn't be able to handle criticism for a little while. She stepped back and looked down at him, smoothing back his short hair. "Do you want more to eat?"

\------------------------------------------------------------

Loki had been coaxed into eating two more plates of food before he pushed the second one away and claimed he would pop like a ripe fruit if he ate any more. Frigga then sent him off to bathe (after making sure that he could indeed take care of it himself) and spent the time waiting by going through his closet to find something appropriate for him to wear. Something that would be simple so he could hopefully get it on himself, but functional. Thor had told her Loki had shied at the idea of going outside, but while his brother might balk at forcing his younger sibling, Frigga felt that Loki would heal better if he didn't feel like he needed to stay in his room. He was already showing so much improvement from when he had been returned two days before. 

For a human, such a recovery would be considered miraculous, but for the Asgardians, it was near impossible for them to even fathom of Loki's kind of illness to begin with and Frigga felt it best to refer mostly to Thor on the matter, for his human shell--the late Donald Blake--had been a human doctor, and so had likely known more of these things than they did--though Donald had not in fact been that kind of doctor.

Finally, the door to the bathing room opened, steam rolling out as Loki emerged and Frigga's eyes widened at the sight of him. It wasn't his nakedness that shocked him, for such things were not so strange to see--especially when Asgard participated in the Olympia Games with their allies of Olympus--no, what shocked and dismayed her was the state of his skin, which was reddened as if he'd suffered a horrible sunburn and was peeling in parts. In some areas, it was obvious he had scrubbed at with great vigor, especially around his neck, which was oozing blood from around the collar.

"Oh, Loki." Frigga left his closet and went over to him, half-reaching out to touch him but then drawing back at the unnatural heat of his skin. "Oh my boy, what did you do?"

Loki looked back at her in confused dismay. ".......I got clean?" He offered meekly.

Frigga took a deep breath and curbed her reaction. "Go sit." She ordered, pointing at the bed. "Or....stand if sitting would be painful." He just stared at her in confusion. "Go stand by the bed, Loki." When he did as she told him, Frigga shut the bathing room door and followed him, bringing up her hands to weave healing magics and repair at least the worst of it. It was hard work, as the collar was designed to soak up magic, but in the end she'd reduced the horrible peeling to a slight redness that--at least normally--he would heal from in as little as an hour's time.

Once she was content with the job she'd done, even if she was tired over the extensive effort it had taken to do it, she pointed at the clothing she had chosen for him. "Get dressed." She told him and then turned away to head back to the bathing room and find out exactly what he had done.

She was greeted by heat that immediately made her hair curl and stepping further into the room, it was soon very obvious what had happened.

Fifteen heating rocks sat on the drying stand. This was the typical number given to Asgard's warriors for if they wanted a hot bath for baking out aches. But the rocks weren't meant to be used all at once, and this number was certainly not appropriate for a half-Jötun. What had Thor been thinking? Or was this the servants doing? Well, either way, Frigga was having none of it. Loki was obviously not in the right state of mind to figure out he wasn't supposed to use them all, even if he knew to put them back. She would certainly be taking steps to make sure he didn't hurt himself again.

She re-emerged from the bathroom to find that Loki had finished dressing in the brown calfhide pants and green shirt she had supplied him. It was still so plain, but Frigga didn't intend to force him to wear more than he might be comfortable in. One hurtle at a time. He looked at her with a distressed expression and she went to him and took his face in her hands.

"It's alright, my son. My child. I'm not angry with you. You frightened me." She pulled his head down to kiss his forehead and then smiled to him. "Just wait for a minute, alright Loki?" She didn't wait for his answer and hurried out to find the nearest servant and order them to clean up Loki's room and remove all but eight heating stones. Then she returned to Loki and took his hand.

"Loki." She smiled to him. "We're going to go for a walk now."

Loki's brows furrowed and he immediately shrank from her, though Frigga noticed he didn't try to pull his hand free. "No. No no nonono......please no...."

"Loki." Once more she took a firm tone with him, since that seemed to make him listen. "I am not debating this with you. "We _are_ going for a walk."

His hand squeezed hers tightly and he whimpered, his eyes wide. When Frigga moved toward the door however, he didn't try to pull away and instead tamely went with her. Frigga knew she would be discussing this thoroughly with Thor. He needed to know to be firm with his brother. A King can afford no softness, not even when it came to family. The people wouldn't continue to trust him if they thought he would make exception for those closest to him.

Loki kept close to her as they walked, averting his eyes from everyone and shrinking away when others got too close. He was so preoccupied with avoiding others that he didn't notice the garden until he stepped into it, upon which time he froze and looked around with widened eyes as if he'd never seen any of it before. Like a newborn foal, he stumbled forward, staring about and slowly moving forward. Frigga let him move at his own pace and only followed along after him, glad and sad by turns as she watched her fully grown son reach out to touch a flower as if he was seeing one for the first time.

Loki wandered in this way for a while before he found a plum tree and headed straight for it. He reached up to test the fruit and finally picked one to happily bite down on and close his eyes in bliss. Frigga laughed softly and moved to sit down on a nearby bench. "Loki," She said. "would you like me to tell you a story?"

He replied to her question by picking several more plums and then stepping over to sit at her feet. She reached out to smooth some of his hair back and smiled to him. "Very well then."

\------------------------------------------------------------

Evening had come at last and Thor was more than happy to leave the throne room and his Kingly duties for another day. However, now he had a different trial ahead--checking up on Loki and their mother. He couldn't say that he was looking forward to this, and so he procrastinated and went to bathe and change first.

"You seem in a hurry." Sif commented when he stepped out of the bathing chamber fully dressed. He thought perhaps it was sarcasm, since she knew full well where he would be going and he sighed softly at her. Well, now seemed as good a time as any to discuss what Midgardians referred to as 'the elephant in the room'.

"I found Loki curled up in his ice bear rug this morning."

Sif glanced at Thor's reflection in her mirror while she worked on plaiting her hair. "And the day before, you found he had made a nest of his blankets. I think he is doing it to distress you."

Thor sighed heavily and sat down on their bed. "His condition upsets him as much as it upsets me, Sif. Of that, I am certain. He does not want to be broken. Why would he?"

Sif sighed softly. Thor's compassion made him a good King, but it also had great potential for trouble. Unlike Frigga and Odin's relationship, of the two of them, Sif saw herself as the emotionally stronger and as tedious as court affairs were, she was glad Thor had broken the precedent Odin had set and allowed his wife to be at his side in court and at least until he remembered he was also a warrior, she would remain at his side. "How can you be certain this isn't some complex manipulation of his to get you to lower your guard?"

"Because it is counterproductive to what he wants, Sif." Thor replied with some irritation. "He wishes to have the choker removed, but in behaving in this manner he is only ensuring it be kept on. He knows I will not remove it until he is well, until I know he is safe from his own magic. If this were a trick, he would be 'getting better'. As it is....." Thor paused. "He is remembering things, and these things are upsetting him."

"Then perhaps it is good he is still collared, for should his nature turn foul again, he will be unable to bring down more trouble upon Asgard."

Thor scowled at her. "His crime was a century past, and he was my beloved brother and _your_ friend longer than he has been foe to anyone. We do not know his reasons for attempting Ragnarok, but at the moment he cannot even give it a name! Until we can know the why, I would have him treated as his current actions deserve. He is not well, do not be unkind."

Sif finished with her hair and turned on her chair to look at him. "Thor. This is only his second day. If this was a trick, he is cunning and likely has learned more patience rather than less."

"Or perhaps I am hoping for a more speedy recovery than there will be." Thor responded, though he sounded sad now rather than angry. "Given that, he is still doing well, but.....mayhaps you should see him for yourself, Sif. Mother and Father too believed he was performing a fakery until they saw him with their own eyes."

"You would have me visit him, husband?" Sif stood up and stepped over to sit beside him on the bed and put a hand on his shoulder. "Though you feel he is broken of mind, and could perhaps be deranged?"

"He is no threat, as you stated. I trust you would not do harm to one who cannot be called an opponent." That Thor felt he had to state such hurt him, but he tried not to let it show on his face. Sif had perhaps felt the most betrayed of Thor's companions, and unlike the Warriors Three, she had shown no sign of softening regarding Loki, nor any desire to allow him back into Asgard.

Sif nodded none the less. "I will think about it." She said and leaned over to kiss his cheek, then stood up to head to the bathing room herself, court duties could make both of them feel absolutely slimy by day's end. Thor sighed and stood up again, there was no more reason to delay and so he went.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Arriving at Loki's door, Thor hesitated for a long moment before he pushed it open, only to hesitate at what he was hearing.

"--would not stop unless something was done, and though Byleistr feared the flames of Muspelheim, he set forth to steal from their forges a great axe."

Thor smiled and leaned back against the doorframe briefly. The tale of the giant Byleistr, who had--according to the story--heroically cleaved Svartalfheim from Alfheim with an axe stolen from the forges of Muspelheim so as to end the war between the elves. The tale had been twisted, as all good stories were, but Thor remembered it being one of his favorites as a child and he finally moved to enter the room. Smiling to Frigga and Loki when they looked to him and noticing that Loki was dressed, Thor then sat himself down next to Loki and listened with him as their Mother continued the story to its conclusion.

"Abide, Loki." Frigga told him and stood from the chair, gesturing to her oldest and leading him over to a far corner of the room.

"Loki ate nearly three full plates of food today." She began. "Then he used all fifteen of the heating stones available to him" She paused to let that mistake sink in before continuing. "and finally I pushed him into dressing so I could take him to the garden. I've taken care of the heating stones, but you need to be firm with him Thor. He may be an adult in body, but he acts like a young child in mind and you need to treat him accordingly."

Thor listened in silence, and then he slowly nodded. "Yes, Mother." He said and smiled slightly. "I apologize for foisting this on you, but I am glad for your advice."

Frigga brought up her hand to touch Thor's cheek and smiled back to him. "You mean well, but sometimes you have to risk upsetting those you love in order to help them."

Thor chuckled softly and nodded. "I know, Mother. Thank you. I may need your help again tomorrow." Frigga only nodded her assent and turned to leave and Thor headed over to Loki, who had done as Frigga had told him and stayed exactly where he'd been.

"Have you eaten yet tonight, brother?"

"Yes. Big dinner."

"Hm." Frigga hadn't mentioned feeding him dinner, and there was no sign of a plate. "Are you lying to me, Loki?"

Loki ducked his head. "......Yes." He admitted meekly.

Thor knelt down at his level. "Why, Loki? Aren't you hungry?" Loki nodded. "Then why?"

"Did the Bad Thing." Loki said softly. "Don't deserve food."

"Oh." Thor sighed. "You've been a century starved, Loki. You've--"

"A _century_?!" Loki interrupted, nearly shrieking. He turned to look at Thor. "You left me in that pit for a _century_?!"

In that moment, the Loki Thor remembered broke through. In that moment, his voice firmed and tentative tones turned furious. But then the moment passed and he curled his legs up tightly to his chest. "One and one and one and one and one and--"

"Loki!" Thor grabbed his shoulders, halting his repeating. "Just now. What was that? What you said. That was _you_!" Loki looked at him in absolute incomprehension and Thor shook him. "Is this a trick of yours, Loki?! I'm tired of these guessing games!"

Loki's head snapped back and forth when he was shaken until he grabbed Thor's arms to steady himself. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'll be good, I'll be quiet!" Thor let go of him and he curled up tightly, hiding his face.

Thor stared at him. What was going on? If this was a trick, then Loki was awfully committed to it. But if it wasn't a trick, what did it mean when just now he'd sounded like his old self?

Loki moved his hands from his face to claw briefly at his neck, but then he stopped, snapped his head around to look at Thor as if he was a deer that had abruptly heard a threat and he fell onto his side, curling up in the fetal position and covering his face again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry....."

Blast it all, Thor wished he knew what was going on and he stood up. "I'll go get our dinner." He told his distressed sibling and turned to leave the room, telling himself that he just needed time to think and that he was not, in fact, running away. How he wished he knew what was wrong.


	5. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to remind those of you who were concerned that I am writing _two_ fanfics and I also have a life. Redemption and Dark Paths are not abandoned simply because I don't update quickly. Please be patient.  
>  I promise the plot will pick up soon.

"Thor!" Running feet greeted the thunderer and shortly thereafter Fandral had joined him. He gave a hasty half bow and then looked curiously at the tray. "It isn't like you to collect your own food these days, my friend."

"It isn't mine." Thor intoned softly and perhaps a bit resentfully. He had been deep in thought before Fandral had interrupted him and he wasn't sure he appreciated the distraction.

Fandral looked back the way Thor had come and then back to him. He put a hand on his arm. "Loki's?" He asked softly and stepped slightly closer when Thor nodded. "What are affairs to do with him? There are rumors all over the palace."

Thor looked at him. "Tell me of these rumors, if you would."

"Ah, well..." Fandral looked a bit uncomfortable. "Some say he's down in the dungeons, others say he is back in his own room but chained there. There are those who say he has gone raving mad, and others that say he simply stares at the wall as if his mind has fled utterly. Some uh, think you are perhaps being too soft with him, while others say it is proof they have a wise and compassionate King."

"And what think you of these sayings?"

"I know of your compassion and your great love for your brother." Fandral said firmly. "As to the rest, I would not dare speculate, but awaited the chance to ask you the truth directly."

Thor was silent for several moments. "Do you wish to see him?"

"I would like that, yes." Fandral responded. "He considered me a friend once, or so I would like to believe."

"Do you still consider him one, even after what he did?"

"Yes." Fandral said. "I..." He paused. "I always thought Odin's sentencing....was a touch harsh." He crossed his arms uncomfortably.

Thor gave a small, mirthless smile. "Come then, Fandral. Though I warn you, Loki is....different. He may not remember you, or he may panic."

Fandral's eyebrows went up, but he didn't comment on this and only followed after Thor.

Thor knocked to let Loki know he was there before he entered and found in his absence that the younger had opened his balcony door. Thor's steps quickened so he could set the food down on the table before going and looking outside, sighing in soft relief when he found Loki leaning against the wall, staring up at the sky.

"Loki." Thor called to him. "Brother, I brought you dinner."

"Kings shouldn't fetch." Loki drew his legs up to his chest and didn't look at Thor. He likely hadn't forgiven Thor for his earlier outburst.

Thor forced a soft chuckle anyway. "Loki, do you remember Fandral? He's come to see you."

Finally Loki looked over. "Fandral?"

"Yes. Come inside and visit with him."

Loki scrambled to his feet, but rather than heading toward the door inside, he pressed back against the balcony railing, looking fearful.

Thor frowned faintly. "Loki....I'm not going to hurt you....and neither is Fandral. Come brother, I promised you were safe, did I not?" He extended his hand to him and smiled. "Trust me, brother."

"....You shook me." Loki responded, eying Thor's hand warily.

"Ah..." Thor lowered his arm, smile fading. "Loki, I'm sorry. I want to you be better so badly, I'm jumping at shadows. I shouldn't have done that to you."

Loki stared at him, looking betrayed and his lip quivered. "But I'm good....I'm good!" He stamped his foot. "I'M GOOD!" He turned away, holding his arms close to himself. "How much better do I have to be?!" He wailed and then clawed at the collar. "I'm good now! I'm good!"

At first Thor was incredulous, shocked to see his brother having what could only be described as a temper tantrum--albeit a mild one. But then horror passed over his features when he realized Loki had been misunderstanding him the entire time.

"Loki!" He stepped forward and grabbed his wrists to stop him from hurting himself. "Brother, look at me." When his brother lifted his head to stare at him with wide eyes and tear stained cheeks, Thor let go of his wrists to put his hand to the back of his neck and draw their foreheads close. "Brother, listen to me. Keeping the collar on you has nothing to do with your behavior. You're not well right now. Do you see the way you've been acting? This isn't you. The collar keeps you from your magic, and it's being kept on to protect you from yourself until you're ready to handle your own power again. We're worried you could hurt yourself with your magic the way you are right now, Loki. That's all this is, brother. I swear to you, I'm not punishing you. Do you understand?"

More tears escaped from his dulled green eyes and his lip trembled again. He looked like he was about to start sobbing. After a few moments, he closed his eyes. "Please." He whispered. "It hurts."

Thor closed his own eyes and grit his teeth, wishing he could. "I'm sorry, Loki." He said softly. "I wish it didn't have to hurt, but it would--" He broke off when Loki ducked out of his grip and turned away. He wiped his eyes and nose on his sleeve and went inside, sitting down at the table and starting to eat with a sullen expression.

"Good Norns." Fandral uttered softly to Thor when he too came inside. "What was all that about?"

Thor pinched the bridge of his nose. "The collar apparently is causing Loki pain."

Fandral arched a brow. "......So why is he still wearing it, then?"

Thor glanced to Loki, then motioned with his head and headed back onto the balcony, closing the door behind Fandral. "You remember roughly how powerful Loki is, yes?"

"I know his magic was said to be on par with Karnilla's, yes."

Thor nodded seriously. "That kind of power could potentially kill him and everyone in this entire wing of the palace."

Fandral's eyes widened. "Wh--seriously?! Well, what then? You just intend to keep it on him for the rest of his life?!"

Thor gave him a look, reminding Fandral that he was speaking to his King as well as his friend. "No, of course not." He looked away, then stepped to the railing and leaned on it, letting his head droop. "I am sorry, my friend. This has been a trying few days. Loki's mind regressed during his long isolation. I am waiting for him to recover first, so that I know he is mentally ready to harness his magic."

Fandral shifted uncomfortably. "You should have brought him back when you were coronated." He muttered, almost resentfully. Of Thor's friends, Fandral had been the closest to Loki, and he and Volstagg had been among loudest voices demanding Loki be returned to Asgard. The problem was that those wanting Loki to remain gone had evidently drowned them out.

Thor straightened up and looked at Fandral, quite nearly glaring and finding his friend glaring back. Fandral looked away after a few moments and then put his right fist over his heart, giving a bow. "Apologies, my King. Forgive my outburst."

"Fandral...." Thor's anger faded and his shoulders drooped. "Please don't. The throne is still not an easy thing for me to sit on, and I....there's no point dwelling on the past. Please, my friend. I need your support. I would have brought Loki back that day if I'd thought I could, but my father--"

"Oh to Niffleheim with Odin!" Fandral snapped, though he faltered briefly at the shocked look Thor got on his face at such blatant disrespect before he clenched his fist. "He would have just left Loki there! Don't try and deny it, Thor! You know what he said on that day! 'Until it is deemed fit to release you'. Oh, what Loki did was unquestionably horrible, but....he just left him to rot. His own son!" He made a broad cut off gesture. "I was angry, furious, betrayed at what Loki had wrought! We all were! I couldn't believe it! But Odin just wanted to forget he'd ever existed! _You_ were made King! The second that happened, Odin no longer had a say!"

"I cannot undo the past, Fandral!" Thor closed his hand on Mjölnir's handle. "What good does bringing it up _now_ do?!"

Fandral made a frustrated sound. "It makes me feel better." He admitted frankly, looking away. "It makes it your fault, and not a shared blame. That is unfair of me."

Thor smiled without humor. "Your honesty is heartening, Fandral. Will you help me now to help Loki?"

"I don't know what I can do, I'm no good with children...and he's certainly acting like one. I'll try....but Volstagg would likely do better at this."

"Ultimately that is up to Loki, but I will speak with Volstagg on the matter."

Fandral nodded in agreement and turned to head back inside with Thor following. Loki pointedly ignored them both, though from his tense posture, he had definitely heard them. Fandral looked to Thor, then pulled over a chair and awkwardly tried to strike up a conversation with Loki, but Loki opted to respond only in monosyllables, and Fandral soon gave up, just sitting in stubborn discomfort until Loki proclaimed himself finished with his meal and then all but escaping with the tray, promising Thor he would ask Volstagg on his behalf.

"He came to see you, brother." Thor said gently after Fandral was gone, so Loki wouldn't think he was angry with him. "You didn't need to be so rude."

"Don't care." Loki put his arms and head down on the table and glared at him resentfully.

".....I think it must assuredly be time for bed, brother. Do you need help changing?"

Loki got to his feet and slammed his hands down on the table. "I'm not a child!" He stormed away to the bathing room and slammed the door.

Thor was left staring after him in bemusement. _Now_ what was he supposed to do? Was that outburst a sign of his old self, or a continuation of the new? It bothered Thor that he actually had no idea. He slowly stepped to the door and knocked gently. "Loki....?" He received no reply. ".....Alright, brother. I'll go then, but I do wish you would talk to me. I cannot know what you want me to do if you won't tell me." Still Loki didn't respond and with great reluctance, Thor finally departed.

\------------------------------------------------------------

 _It was coronation day and Thor was so nervous he'd barely been able to choke down breakfast. Being brushed, primped and prepared. More than once he'd wanted to storm off and go roll about in the mud like a child, but he'd resisted that urge the last time and he managed it again this time. He'd drank some wine for liquid courage and had allowed himself the old habit of goblet destroying because if he didn't break_ something _he felt he might explode._

_There was something however that had added a very sour note to what was supposed to be a very joyous day, and its absence was the same thing he had been led to believe would ruin this day if it was included._

_Loki._

_He'd begged his father alone the night before to let Loki be present for his coronation, to bring him back to Asgard, end his exile. But Odin had refused, his exact words; 'I will not return Loki to Asgard'. It had made Thor furious, but he had managed, with effort, to keep himself from completely losing his temper. It would not do to lose his composure now, lest Odin call the whole thing off. He didn't feel ready to be King, but it was more than past time that the Allfather retire. Once Thor had the throne and the people's support, he could begin doing what needed to be done, move Asgard into a new age....bring his brother home._

_But it would all take time, time he knew Loki didn't have. He had already been in that place far too long already, but all Thor could hope was that he would be able to make it up to his little brother somehow when he had him brought home. A fine feast with their friends to welcome him home! Yes, that would be a wonderful start. He was almost smiling when the guard came to get him and tell him that it was time._

Thor awoke in a state of misery and he cursed Fandral for bringing up his coronation. He rolled over onto his side, away from Sif who was in her own space in the bed, sprawled on her back while her budding pregnancy would still allow her to take that position. He tried to return to sleep for several minutes, but his mind was far too active and he slid quietly out of bed, careful not to disturb his wife and slipped out of the sleep curtain surrounding the bed, finding that it was still deep night. He sighed softly to himself and quietly got dressed in more suitable clothing for nocturnal wandering before sneaking out of his room.

He wandered without a destination, finding himself pining for the workout room in Avengers Tower for the first time in decades. Those days were long since past however, and even the exceptionally long-lived members of the original Avengers had passed on to Valhalla or Sessrúmnir. He could travel to one of those locations, he supposed, but most likely his friends were all asleep and he didn't want to bother any of them when he didn't even know how to tell them of his upsets.

Though he had no destination in mind, he soon enough found himself at Loki's door. He hesitated for a good long minute before he quietly eased the door open and slipped inside. He moved carefully, both to keep Loki from waking up and because the night leaking in from outside didn't provide him much light.

He made it to the bed and carefully pulled back the bed curtain to peer inside. It took him a few moments to see Loki curled up in the fetal position and still fully dressed, his back to Thor. It couldn't have been comfortable, but Thor only smiled sadly. At least he had laid down on the bed this time, even if he was still in his day clothes and was atop the covers. Progress was progress nonetheless, and he would figure out how to address this at some point tomorrow if Frigga or Volstagg didn't figure it out first.

Then again, sleeping in ones dayclothes wasn't really that high on the list of concerns. Long before that came the issues of Loki's behavior and how endlessly puzzling it was. Not that any less should really have been expected of a chaotic-natured god, but its often distressing nature to both witness and to Loki himself made it something that absolutely had to be dealt with as soon as possible in the best way possible.

Thor found his mind casting through the myriads of humans he had known and befriended for any that might be able to assist Loki, but nearly every possibility was in some way unavailable--they had either gone to one of the other god's afterlives, been reincarnated or just plain wouldn't help the individual in need of their skills. Only two possibilities shone though the others; Charles Xavier and Jean Grey. Both had been powerful telepaths in life, and both were technically available.

Unfortunately, both had purportedly met Loki at least once, which made Thor hesitant to ask for their assistance. What if Loki had done something that had ended with an unresolved grudge? This was especially likely in Jean's case from what he knew of her. Perhaps Xavier was the better choice. He had been a good man, and since he was a deceased, his mind surely wouldn't be destroyed by delving into a god's psyche. Yet, were the answers really worth the possible cost to Loki, who could well be traumatized by the intrusion?

Thor sighed softly and let the curtain fall, turning away. Ruling Asgard was hard enough, but trying to figure out the best way to help his brother was proving to be perhaps his hardest trial yet. Were the Norns testing him? Testing Loki? Or--as self-centered as it seemed--was this a punishment because Thor hadn't brought his brother home the first chance he'd been given? The only sure answer was that there currently wasn't one, and with that depressing fact in mind, Thor departed to return to bed and try to sleep for the rest of the night.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Morning. Loki knew it was morning because he'd peeked out of his bed curtain and it was bright outside. He'd slept restlessly and at one point he had woken up from dreaming about a place of cold rock and giant ants, completely certain there was someone in his room and he'd been terrified to move. But now it was morning, and morning meant Thor or someone else was going to be coming to bring him food.

He sighed and rolled onto his side, idly reaching out to bat at the curtain and assure himself that it was a flimsy barrier and he could get up if he wanted to, except that he didn't want to. He felt so tired, so bone weary. What was the point? The only thing that would make Thor take the collar off was to become 'better', be not the way he was right now. Did that mean Thor wanted what the dreams seemed to be trying to tell him was how he used to be? Who would want someone who did such bad things?

He rolled onto his stomach and clutched the pillow, burying his face in it and screamed in frustration. But then an idea occurred to him and he moved to sit up, opening his curtain to peer out and make sure he was alone in his room before he let it fall again and folded his legs, thinking. If Thor wanted the old Loki, then maybe he could pretend! His mind was muddled and sluggish, but playing pretend was something he was fairly sure he used to do all the time. Even if he didn't get it quite right, maybe Thor would be fooled into thinking he was 'better' and he'd give him his freedom back!

He was so busy congratulating himself on how clever he was, that when the quiet of his room was broken by the sound of the door opening, he jumped quite a bit and clapped both hands over his mouth to keep from crying out. He sat there in tense silence, listening to the whispering voice before he marginally relaxed, realizing it was Thor. But who was with him? Probably Fandral, he decided and sighed to himself, then firmed his expression in preparation to pretend to be his old self before he moved to get out of the bed, self-consciously straightening his sleep-rumpled clothing and hair. His conviction wavered however when he found that Fandral was not the other person, but instead was Sif. He clenched his fists to fight the urge to hide.

"Good morning, brother." Thor greeted him, trying not to be too concerned from the way Loki's face had tightened when he'd seen Sif and setting down the food tray. "You remember Sif, yes?"

"Yes." Loki said tightly. "Why is she here?" It wasn't hard to deepen and firm up his voice when his emerging memories were telling him what a cruel person she was to him.

Sif arched a brow and crossed her arms while Thor straightened up, mildly surprised. "Loki?" He questioned.

"I don't want her here." Loki said. "I don't want you here either." The latter was a lie. He didn't want to be alone, and Thor was mostly good to him--except that he wasn't taking the collar off. "You can both just leave."

Thor continued to look bewildered and Loki started to wonder if he was doing it right. This was how Thor wanted him to act, wasn't it?

"You....sound better today, brother." Thor said slowly.

"Yes, I do." Loki responded. "You should take this off." He pointed at the collar, trying not to get too excited and give himself away.

Before Thor could make any decisions however, there was a solid knocking at the door and it opened to reveal a harried guard. "Your highnesses." He said breathlessly. "King Helblindi has arrived at the palace and is demanding your attendance."

"Helblindi." Thor's brows furrowed and he frowned before glancing at Loki and then Sif. "My Queen. Please stay with Loki. I'll go find out what's going on." Why had the King of Jötunheim come to Asgard? He hurried off.

"So." Sif spoke immediately after Thor had left, eyes focused on Loki. "I see you're 'better'."

"Yes." Loki answered shortly, trying not to panic. There was something in her tone he didn't like, and he liked it a lot less when she began to approach him, pulling out a dagger.

"I don't like your games, Loki." She stated bluntly, using the weapon to point at him. "I don't appreciate you toying with your family, with your brother and _my husband_." She advanced on him while he stood frozen, composure cracking until the moment the sharp edge pricked the underside of his jaw. "And I _really_ don't appreciate--"

"I'm sorry!" Loki jerked away, and cried out when the knife cut deeper into his flesh as he pulled away from it. He dropped at her feet and cowered, pressing one hand awkwardly to the underside of his jaw and the other arm trying to shield his head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

Sif stared at him in irritated bewilderment. "Stop that, Loki. You're embarrassing yourself. You don't--"

"I'm sorry!" Loki cried again. "I just wanted it off! Just wanted it off!" He dropped his hand from his chin and instead simply cowered by the side of his bed, starting to cry.

For a long minute, Sif just stared at him. At first she was angry that he was pulling this game on her, but when his distress only intensified rather than giving up when he realized it wasn't working, she found she had to face an unfortunate truth; this was no act.

She absently wiped the blade on the edge of her pants before sheathing it and slowly crouched down, trying to figure out how to calm him down and the answer came suddenly. Loki was acting like a child, but he also loved them very much. Or at least, he had before.

"Loki." She intoned. "Enough crying. I made a mistake, I'm not going to hurt you. Listen. I'm with child. You'll be an uncle."

Loki didn't stop crying immediately, but he stopped cowering so much and looked at her with tear-reddened eyes. "Baby? In Sif?"

"Yes. Hopefully the next heir to the throne."

"A baby...." Loki sniffed and wiped his eyes, then uncurled slowly and crawled over to her. It was hard for Sif not to recoil from him from the strangeness of his behavior, but when he got closer and reached out to put his hand on her stomach, she let him.

"Baby." Loki stared at her midsection, looking almost wondrous. "A baby in Sif."

"Yes." Sif agreed. "A baby in me." She wasn't known for her sympathy or for really anything that could be considered 'feminine' besides her sex, but hidden under her mostly stoic mask, her heart was breaking. Though Loki had done terrible things in the short time leading up to Ragnarok, before that he had been her friend and this Loki was no villain. He was a child trapped in a man's body, and just like everyone else who had seen him before her, she had no idea what to do about it. When the chance arose however, she would definitely bring it up with Thor. This wasn't right, and somehow they had to help him. Clearly he knew how he was supposed to be, and he was still smart. Somehow they would help him. In all the Nine Worlds, there _had_ to be a solution!

When Loki moved tentatively closer to rest his ear against her stomach, even though there was nothing for him to hear or feel, she simply stroked his hair and let him.


	6. Blind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to extend a thanks to those of you who have been giving me detailed reviews. I love not only to hear what it is you are enjoying about the fic but also what you feel I (the characters) need to address. I also deeply apologize that my life has gotten so busy and therefore delayed this fic to the degree that it has. I'm grateful for your patience.

When Thor approached the throne room, he found King Helblindi waiting outside it with eight Einherjar surrounding him. Ostensibly they were there for his protection, but from the tenseness of their postures and their hands holding onto the pommels of their swords, it was obvious that in spite of their technical immortality, the Jötun made them extremely nervous.

"King Helblindi." Thor greeted him with a slight incline of head. "I came as quickly as I could. Please, let us go speak." He signaled for the Einherjar to stay, which they clearly didn't like but obeyed, and Thor entered the throne room with Helblindi alone. He dismissed the guards that stood before the throne as well, which was all in all, a much greater show of faith and trust than Helblindi had shown him on visits to Jötunheim. He noticed Helblindi quirk a faint smile in acknowledgement of this.

"This is a surprise." Thor said, settling on the throne that put him about on eye level with the ten foot giant. "Always before you've sent emissaries, but you've never come to Asgard yourself. What brings you here now?"

"To be blunt, King Thor." Helblindi spoke cautiously. "My world can wait no longer. The Casket of Ancient Winters _must_ be returned!"

"Have the earthquakes worsened again?" Thor asked in concern.

Helblindi bared his teeth slightly and hissed. "The ground betrays us, our buildings have all crumbled. Countless have died, and the rest are attempting to flee, but there is nowhere left to run. If you are truly our ally as you claim to be, you will let me try to save my people."

Thor frowned and sat back on the throne. They had been allied realms for only fifteen years and to give the Frost Giants their power back was surely folly. That device was evil, and it encouraged evil things. He didn't even understand what Helblindi thought he could do with it, and more likely he would use it to try and take over another realm as Laufey had done to Midgard before him. While he was trying to think of the best way to refuse but still offer aid however, Helblindi did something surprising.

The proud Jötun King fell to his knee and bowed his head. " _Please_." He implored. "My world will shake itself apart if you don't help!" He clenched his fists and placed his knuckles flat on the floor. Thor stiffened when he saw frost spreading outward and reached for Gungnir when Helblindi seemed to realize what he was doing and jerked back to instead rest his arms on his knees before he looked back at Thor.

The two Kings stared at one another in silence for several moments, then Thor stood, grasping Gungnir.

"You say you need the Casket." He said in a tone that showed he was in full King mode. "Then all I ask in return, King Helblindi, is that you swear to me an oath that you won't attack any other worlds with it, and....you fought in the war against Asgard. Tell me why Laufey attacked Midgard."

Helblindi frowned, but then he moved to stand as well. "You know what we do with our children." He stated.

"Yes." Thor agreed. "You take them to Ymir's temple a week after their birth and lay them upon the altar until either their lines glow from Ymir's blessing, or they never receive it and die." Thor's tone made it clear he didn't care much for it.

Helblindi made an annoyed sound. "That's an old tradition. It's three days unless their lines glow sooner. The children that go without the blessing aren't as strong, but our numbers are too low to leave it to Ymir's whims. In any event, my birth brother who you call Loki, his lines glowed as soon as he touched the altar. My father took it as a sign that he was meant for great things, but being half Vanir, he was small...." He arched a brow at Thor.

".......So Laufey went after Midgard because humans are close to what Loki's height would be." Thor intoned softly, trying to resist the urge to facepalm or laugh, or both. Something must have shown on his face however, for Helblindi's eyes narrowed slightly and he scowled--not that he was being cheerful to begin with.

"Ah, sorry." Thor attempted to look more serious. "It's only....Loki tried to claim Midgard as his kingdom a couple of years before he attempted Ragnarok....now will you give me the oath I asked for?"

Helblindi grunted softly. "I swear to you Asgard King, upon my lines and my honor. If you return the Casket of Ancient Winters and Ymir's Breath to me and my people, that I will not use it against any of the Nine Worlds and it will remain on Jötunheim for at least the duration of my rule. What my descendants do I can't swear for, as they are not yet born."

Thor nodded. "Thank you." He descended the steps. "Come with me, then. As much as I would like to trust my guards and Einherjar, I'm sure you realize you make them nervous."

"I should." Helblindi responded, falling into step with Thor. "I remember many of their faces when they felled my kinsmen during the war, and it could well be that they remember mine....or do we Jötnar all look the same to you?"

Thor smiled slightly and shook his head. "No more than we look alike to you. Besides, you I know quite well."

"So you do." Helblindi agreed and they lapsed into silence. The halls clearing before them, servants hastily ducking away and guards stepping aside. Many of the latter watched intently, evidently hoping for Thor to beckon them to follow, but he never did and so they only watched Helblindi warily as he passed by. When they reached the Vault doors, Thor hesitated before turning to Helblindi.

"You understand the trust I am extending to you, Helblindi." He said seriously. "It goes against every counsel I have received save that of my mother and Balder. I would appreciate it very muc--"

"Kindly spare me the sarcasm, Asgard King." Helblindi interrupted. "If the majority of your advisers are telling you not to show me this kind of trust, then why are you?"

"Because the God of Truth and Light trusts your people." And gullible as Balder could seem sometimes, he was also impossible to lie to. "And because my mother tells me of more peaceful times." Thor sighed softly, and then turned away to push open the doors to the Vault. "Follow me if you wish."

Helblindi followed, as Thor knew he would and Thor led him past the relics to the one the Jötun King was there to retrieve. Thor took a moment just to look at it, watch the swirling blue light within before he stepped aside. "Loki returned it to the Vault himself before he committed Ragnarok. Take it, and may peace continue between our realms."

Helblindi stepped forward to put his hand upon the Casket and run his hand along the top of it reverently. Thor could see how it reacted to his touch and he tried not to be tense, knowing at any moment the Jötnar King could betray their treaty and turn it on him.

But Helblindi didn't. Instead he lifted his eyes to look at Thor. "What became of my birth brother after his attempt to cause Ragnarok? I was never granted many details."

Thor took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Before I tell you, I need you to remember that I was not King at the time." Helblindi arched a brow, but nodded and Thor's hand flexed on Gungnir. "Loki was banished to a cell among Yggdrasil's roots. He remained there until recently....he is back in Asgard now."

Helblindi's eyes narrowed slightly. "A cell among the World Tree's roots? But you have a prison in Asgard, do you not?"

"My father didn't feel it would be sufficient for a crime of that magnitude."

"Mm..." Helblindi ran his hand over the top of the Casket again. "That was a hundred years ago. When was my birth brother returned?"

Thor knew he could refuse to answer, but at the same time, he felt Heblindi deserved to know. ".....A few days ago."

Helblindi fixed him with a glare that made Thor want to cower out of guilt. Instead however he met his gaze. "This was not my wanting, Helblindi. He was your brother by birth, but he was mine by raising."

"How is he?"

Thor took a deep breath. ".....Child-like. He's remembering things quickly, but when I first brought him back, he didn't even remember me."

".....He was isolated for a hundred years, Aesir." Helblindi intoned softly. "You have been King for fifty one." He held up a hand before Thor could respond. "No, I understand. I hate it, but I understand. You didn't know."

"I didn't know what?" Thor asked suspiciously.

"What isolation does to a Jötun." Helblindi flexed his hand. "The worst punishment we give on Jötunheim isn't death. It's the scouring of the guilty's lines. Erasing their lineage, erasing them. Then we chase them out into the wild, or dump them if they won't go themselves. If they return, they are ignored. It kills them. They always end their lives somehow. I would assume the only reason my birth brother is still alive is because he couldn't figure out how to die."

".....Not for lack of trying." Thor whispered, remembering the blood on the walls and floor that he'd used to write with. He took a shuddering breath and shook his head. "No. I didn't know. I'm doing my best to help him. Is there anything you can suggest?"

"My people die when they're isolated. I doubt there is anyone on Jötunheim who would know how to help him." Finally Helblindi lifted up the Casket. "I wish to meet him someday."

"I hope that you can, but he needs to recover before I think I can try to change his mindset toward your people."

Helblindi nodded. "Then I hope for everyone's sake that he is able to." He held out the Casket before him and stepped past Thor. Thor turned to follow him, expecting him to return to the Observatory to be sent home only for snow and ice to suddenly blast out in front of them. He instinctively protected his eyes, and when he looked again, Helblindi and the Casket were gone and most of the room was coated in ice and snow, including the doors. Thor could only shake his head and laugh. "Well, at least they have theatrics in common."

\------------------------------------------------------------

It took Thor several hours to get out of the Vault again, mostly due to not wanting to break the doors down. This was several hours more than he would rather have spent trapped in a cold room with a whole lot of shiny relics--he had considered more than once attempting to use the Infinity Gauntlet or the Tesseract to get out--and several hours more than he had meant to leave Sif alone with his brother. Either way, court was clearly not going to be held on that day.

He was on his way back to Loki's room when a servant intercepted him to inform him that Volstagg had taken--there was a hesitation--Prince Loki to the stables. Thor nodded curtly and dismissed the servant, not reprimanding them for their doubts on how to refer to his youngest brother. Many thought of Loki only as the war criminal and would see his state either as a fakery--as many had seemed to--or as something to take advantage of. Thor wished he knew how to help him.

Heading out to the stables, he found his older friend sitting against the wall of the stable, carving something and keeping half an eye on Loki, who was curled up on the ground nearby with Sleipnir and the stallion's oldest son and Sif's mount, Meistari. The two horses had curled up on either side of Loki, apparently napping. Thor shook his head slightly and went to sit down beside his older friend.

"So Sif charged you with Loki's care today, my good friend?" Thor tilted his head to look at the carving, but it didn't seem to be anything identifiable yet.

Volstagg chuckled softly. "That's right. Fandral told me about Loki's....condition, and she sent for me a couple of hours ago so that she could open court, since it seemed you were absent and I've more or less been out here ever since." Volstagg shot Thor an amused look. "Heimdall said you had gotten yourself locked into the Vault. How did you manage that?"

"Casket of Ancient Winters." Thor responded simply, looking a bit embarrassed. He cleared his throat before Volstagg could try to continue the conversation, not quite sure how to bring up the topic of returning the Casket to Jötunheim, and gestured to Loki. "Has he been doing this the whole time?"

"No. The first thing he did was tug my beard." Volstagg rubbed the graying hairs almost thoughtfully. "Once we got out here, well you know I don't have the way of activating the halters they wear, so I called for Sleipnir. I guess he was in hearing range, because he showed up with his son and then Loki started feeling them up all over once he got them to calm down and go over to him. Then they flopped down in the pile you see. It's been about an hour or so of that."

Thor nodded slightly and looked over at them. ".....Volstagg." He said after a pause. "What do you make of Loki's behavior?"

"What do you mean?"

"How he's acting. Everyone who knows about it seems to doubt until they actually see him, and today he was better....more himself."

"Was he?" Volstagg frowned slightly. "Well, I'm sorry to say then, but it didn't last. He acted shy when I came to keep an eye on him--Sif said he panicked when she tried to leave him alone--and then he just asked if he could see Sleipnir, so I brought him out here."

"Mm..." Thor sighed softly. "I suppose I'm trying too hard to rush his recovery." He lapsed into silence and Volstagg offered nothing more, the latter soon returning to his carving and the former considering again whether to travel to one of the afterlifes to speak to Jean Gray or Charles Xavier before his mind turned to Jötunheim and a hope that he had made the right decision, and other such matters.

"Volstagg." Thor spoke again after a few minutes. "I realize I might be hoping for Loki to recover too quickly and it has only been a bare few days, but do you think perhaps I should employ a telepath to--"

"No...my King." Volstagg interrupted him before giving Thor an apologetic look. "Even if his mind is broken enough to let one in Thor, seidr-wielders are very private about those sorts of things. It would be a betrayal of trust."

".....Even if I asked his permission?"

"My King, this is Loki we're talking about. Do you think he would give it?"

"I suppose you're right." Thor sighed and let his head drop back. Maybe it was better to just leave it alone and let Loki work through it on his own rather than trying to rush him. He must have been around humans too much to expect such quick results.

"Thor..." Volstagg hesitated briefly, but then forged ahead. "Maybe you should ask Balder."

"Balder?" Thor frowned. ".....Because he is the God of Truth? But he died because of Loki."

"You lose nothing by trying, right?" Volstagg shrugged slightly.

Thor considered that, and decided that Volstagg was right. If Balder refused to come, then Loki was no worse off, and if Balder came but couldn't somehow figure out how to help Loki, then Loki was still no worse off.

"Thank you, my friend." He clapped Volstagg on the shoulder. "I value your advice, and shall consider it thusly."

Finally he got to his feet and headed over to the horses and Loki. Both horses looked up at Thor's approach and nickered at him. He paused to touch their noses and greet them softly, then crouch to gently shake Loki's shoulder. "Brother. Come. It is time for the afternoon meal. We should go in."

"Mm..." Loki rubbed his eyes and sat up, but then he froze and his hand flailed back, hitting Meistari, who snorted and tossed his head in confusion.

"Loki?"

"Why is it dark?"

".....What?" Thor looked up at the bright, almost cloudless day and then back at Loki. "Brother, what are you talking about? The sun is right overhead."

Loki lifted his head, turning toward Thor's voice. "Then why is it dark?!"

All Thor could do was stare back in horror. Once clear green eyes had gone dark and filmy. Somehow, in the space of a few hours, Loki had gone blind.

\------------------------------------------------------------

"In all my millenia as a healer, I have never heard of such a thing." Eir was shaking her head in absolute disbelief. Her and Thor watched as the other healers worked the Soul Forge, scanning Loki. It wasn't easy, the collar hindered their instruments, but what it seemed to display was troubling. The part of his mind responsible for many of his higher functions seemed to be absent on the scan, utterly dark. Eir didn't understand it. She didn't know why his brain looked that way, or why he had abruptly gone blind. There was a look in her eye however that made Thor wonder if she _did_ know, or at least an idea, but she just didn't want to tell him.

"Eir, please speak freely with me." He said. "You know something of this, I can tell."

Eir pursed her lips. "....The collar." She said after a hesitation. "It may be the cause. Either it is interfering with our ability to take readings, or...." She trailed off and gave him a significant look.

Thor sighed heavily, but at last he nodded. "I am looking into a solution." He looked back to his brother, trying so hard to be brave while he had no idea what was going on around him. Would Balder come? Would he somehow be able to help with this? Maybe just having his council, the advice of another King, would help him figure out what to do. Yet, his mind did not turn to Odin, who was technically to blame for the entire situation. As much as Odin had become more affectionate toward his sons not long before Loki had snapped completely and tried to cause Ragnarok, it was really too little, too late for men that had long stopped being boys.

Thor could only hope that Balder would have the answer, or at the very least, being married to the woman who had altered the collar from Skadi's original design to contain all of Loki's magic, he might know the way to remove it safely. All he could do was try, and hope. Loki had already suffered more than enough.


	7. Brothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm afraid that even though this is my only fanfic to worry about now, that the rate of updates probably isn't going to be picking up any. I'll probably be entering a nine month course in May that I'm told will be very work-intensive, so I don't know how much inspiration I'm going to have for writing.

"Where are we going?" Loki was trying not to sound fearful, but the way he was trying to pull away, along with his shaky tone of voice, made his state of mind rather evident.

"We're going to my rooms, Loki." Thor explained, continuing to pull his brother along and wishing he would trust him more, walk closer to him. Dragging Loki like this was gaining a lot more attention than he would have liked. Then again, considering it was Loki, maybe it wouldn't have made a difference.

They reached the room Thor shared with Sif and Thor finally slowed his pace. "Alright, Loki. Here." He led him over to the bed and let him feel it. "I know you just napped so you are likely not feeling tired, but here's the bed. This was our parents old room before I became King. The layout is still much the same. Do you remember? Do you want me to get someone to stay with you?"

"Please don't leave me alone." Loki turned toward Thor's voice, sightless eyes wide and tears escaping down his cheeks. "I can't see!"

".....I know, Loki." Thor pulled him close and hugged him tightly, as if by doing he might be able to fix everything that was wrong. "But I can't stay. I am King, and I have neglected that long enough today. As well, I must send away for someone who can hopefully help you, or at least point us in the right direction."

"Please....please. I'll be quiet, I swear! Just take me with you! Don't leave me alone!" Loki's voice rose. " _Please_! I'm frightened!" His hands clung to Thor's cape desperately, wrapping his hands in it to make it harder for Thor to pull free of him.

"Loki. This is the King's chambers. You are safe here." He cupped the back of his brother's head. "Hush, brother. I promised you would be safe, and you have been."

"But I'm blind!"

"Yes, I know. I will get help for you." He paused, and then sighed softly. "I will send for Mother then."

"Take me to her! Thor! Brother! Take me to her! I don't want to be here!"

It was the first time Loki had called him brother since Thor had brought him home, and Thor only sighed in acknowledgement. "Even broken you're manipulating me." He said, his fingers tightening on the back of Loki's neck a bit and only releasing when the younger whimpered. "Alright, Loki. But I tell you, the Allfather might be with her."

Loki's grip on Thor loosened. "Safer with her than risk him finding me alone."

Thor let Loki go and slipped out of his loosened grasp. "Do you know why you're so afraid of our father, Loki?"

"He's not my father. I killed my father."

"......You're remembering more." Thor frowned. "You're speaking better as well." He wondered if the loss of his vision was helping his mental recovery somehow. "Loki. Why are you afraid of the Allfather?"

"I...." Loki hesitated. "I don't....because of the Bad Thing? The Big Bad thing?"

"Ah." His language had simplified again. Thor would perhaps be more suspicious if Loki hadn't been swinging back and forth in his speech and behavior since his return. As usual, he had been jumping at shadows. "Come then, brother." Thor took his hand. "I'll take you to Mother."

\------------------------------------------------------------

Thor found Frigga where she typically was at that time of day; her loom. "Hail Mother. Loki wanted you."

Frigga's hands left the loom and he looked over at them. "......Thor." She said seriously. "Loki. What is wrong with him?"

"My eyes stopped working." Loki said before Thor could.

"I took him to the Healers, but Eir could only give me guesses, not solutions." Thor elaborated. "His blindness has made him fearful....do you mind if he stays with you while I join Sif in court?"

"Not at all." Frigga smiled then and held her hand out. Thor led Loki to her and helped him find her hand. Frigga in turn helped Loki sit on the wide bench beside her.

"Is....are you the only one in here, Mother?" Loki asked after a few moments.

"Yes. Your father doesn't find much fun in watching my weaving."

Loki hissed through his teeth. "He isn't my father."

"Mm." Frigga resumed her weaving, and Loki closed his blind eyes to listen to the sounds of the shuttle as it moved.

\------------------------------------------------------------

"My King." Sif greeted her husband when he entered the throne room. Her cool tone and neutral expression nearly made Thor miss a step, though he proceeded on afterward.

"My Queen." He greeted her in response, moving to climb the steps to the high throne, but Sif stood before he had the chance.

"We must speak, my King." She told him in the same cool tone that made him not only realize just how much trouble he was no doubt in--and he could well guess why--but that this was probably going to get ugly if she wanted to leave the throne room in order to speak with him on the matter.

"Very well." Thor followed after Sif as she led him to a war room and shut the door behind them before she stepped around him to lean on the table.

"Now." She said. "Explain to me how it is that you had agreed to treat me as your equal and yet you chose to give Helbindi the _Casket of Ancient Winters_ without my input?"

"....Ah." Thor made a slight face. He was tempted to make an excuse, but he knew he didn't have one that would satisfy her anyway. He had left Sif with Loki, which had to have irritated her enough, and then he'd proceeded to make an important decision without her getting the chance to weigh in.

Sif pushed away from the table to approach him and jabbed him just below his neck since that was one of the only places not protected by his armor. "You knew I would vote against it." She said. "You purposefully--"

"Don't put words in my mouth." Thor interrupted, frowning at her. "I didn't know what reason he had come to Asgard, and to be honest I was originally going to refuse him, but he _knelt_ before me, Sif. He came without guards to Asgard and then he knelt and begged me to return the Casket before his world was destroyed by the earthquakes. What would you have had me do? Heimdall let him come to Asgard, and from the way Volstagg told me, he wasn't exactly concerned I was stuck in the Vault for a while."

"I appreciate that you want to trust your newest allies, Thor." Sif said, sounding somewhat exasperated. "But he is Loki's birth brother, and we know family is very important to them. Even if he wanted the Casket for the reason he said, it's doubtful it will be left like that, especially now that Loki is back in Asgard."

"He knows Loki is here, and he wasn't happy with me that he had been left locked up for so long." Thor replied. "But he swore me an oath that he would not make war upon Asgard or any of the other realms. So long as Helblindi is King, there will not be war between our people--at least not instigated by him--and while yes, he is Loki's brother, he shares no more of his once guile than I do."

Sif scowled at him. "....I hope that he is as oath-bound as we are. The Norns don't spin their fates."

"They answer to Ymir if they fail to uphold their oaths, Sif." Thor replied. "Before that, their lines are scoured and they're thrown out of civilization. I'm not _completely_ ignorant of their culture. But did you know that Jötnar who are isolated tend to die? Helblindi guessed the only reason Loki still lived is because he couldn't figure out how to die. Instead, he just lost his mind."

"....About that." Sif stepped back to lean on the table again, looking uncomfortable now. "I want to be angry at him for all of the evil he has done, for having Balder killed and attempting Ragnarok, but he acts like a child. I told him I was pregnant and he decided he wanted to...."

She trailed off and put a hand to her midsection, barely showing a bump. "He lay with his head on my stomach and..." Again she trailed off and looked aside. "He was my friend once." She said at last, quietly. "I want to hate him, but it...it hurts to see him like this. Broken." She looked at him. "We must find a solution."

"I am going to contact Balder and see if perhaps he can offer one." Thor said and then raised a hand to forestall anything she was going to say. "I know Loki had him murdered, but at worst Balder can refuse to help. I feel it's worth a try."

Sif sighed heavily, but then she nodded. "You're right. But how do you plan to ask him without his harpy wife intercepting the message?"

"I'll have to ask him to come in person, then explain that way." Thor smiled a bit. "That or ask Hugin or Munin to deliver the message, but they don't appreciate being used like carrier pigeons."

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. "Forgive me Majesties." The guard on the other side said. "But Lady Falla is requesting the attention of the King or Queen."

Sif scowled a bit, but then sighed. "Very well. I'm coming." She called and looked to Thor. "Get the message out somehow, husband. If Balder can help him, then the sooner the better." With those words she left Thor to think of the best way to word the letter and the best way to have it delivered.

\------------------------------------------------------------

A letter was written and set with a messenger on a fast horse to Nornheim, then Thor spent the rest of the day sitting beside Sif and trying not to distract himself with worrying thoughts concerning his younger brothers.

It was evening and court was just about to be concluded for the day when the messenger he'd sent returned with Balder. Both Thor and Sif stared at the youngest Odinson in surprise before Thor thanked the messenger, sending him away for his payment and turned his attention back on his sibling.

"The last I knew, Nornheim was a full day's journey away." He said. "Should I ask after the state of your horse?"

Balder laughed softly. "Silfrinhofi is fine, but thank you for asking. I was already on my way to Asgard when your messenger found me."

"Whyfor?" Sif queried next.

Balder's expression became more serious then. "Word reached Nornheim of Loki's return to Asgard, so I made haste as soon as I could."

"I'm surprised you managed to give Karnilla the slip." Sif replied with dry contempt. "I assumed she had you fettered to her throne for her viewing pleasure."

Balder gave her a disapproving look. "Such comments are beneath you, Sif." He chided. "I am long past my childhood days, and my wife knows that well enough. She worries after me, but unless she had firm reasons for refusing me, she would never bar my leaving our kingdom for yours." He looked to Thor. "Now please, eldest brother, I implore you; tell me of Loki."

"Did you read the letter?" Thor asked instead.

"I did." Balder took a breath to get a handle on his impatience. "You finally gave King Helblindi the Casket." He flexed his hand. "I only hope it's in time."

Thor frowned slightly at Balder's last comment, but he didn't respond to it. His mind wasn't really on Jötunheim and clearly neither was Balder's. "Loki is childlike, though I continue to see glimmers of his old self. He also went blind earlier today." Sif shot him a startled look, as he had failed to mention that to her.

Balder's eyebrows shot up. ".....I am glad he is not in worse condition." He said slowly. "But how did he go blind?"

"Actually, I was hoping you could answer that." Thor stood up. "Sif, if you don't mind--"

"I do" Sif interrupted. "but none the less, I will see court ended for the day. See to Loki." Thor and Balder both inclined their heads to her and Thor led the way out of the throne room to find their mother, as Thor assumed that's where Loki still was and indeed found him with Frigga. Odin sat in a corner of the room, silently listening as Frigga read Loki a story.

The story, it seemed, was about a monster called Dedu Yaga that lived in a dark and foreboding forest and who was one day found by an orphan girl. He and the girl became friends and thanks to their friendship, the monster was able to remember he was not a monster at all, but a Prince from a far away kingdom. He left the dark forest and took the girl with him to be his daughter and live happily.

"That sounds like a Midgardian fairytale." Thor commented when the story was through. Frigga smiled to her sons and chuckled softly. "It is, I believe. Then again, it was Loki who brought it home in that time long ago, so who knows?" She reached out to comb her fingers through Loki's hair, as he was leaning against her leg, half-asleep. "How fare thee, Balder?"

"I fare well, Mother." Balder replied and Loki's blind eyes popped open at the sound of his voice. As if that was a cue for him, he stepped closer and in so doing, noticed the collar peeking out from Loki's shirt. ".....Pardon, but why is he still wearing that?"

Frigga pursed her lips. "Thor deemed it wise, given Loki's behavior. He worried he might hurt himself."

".....I see." Balder crouched and Loki inhaled sharply, shrinking back against Frigga when he heard the rustle of fabric. The younger paused. "Peace, Loki. Tis I, Balder. Your little brother."

"I know." Loki replied, voice disturbingly close to a squeak and buried his face against Frigga's skirt.

".....Brother." Balder seemed almost hurt. "I am.....I am so sorry, Loki. If I could have foreseen...." He trailed off and reached out to grasp his shoulder, though he almost let go again when Loki gasped and tried to twitch away from him. "I'm not here to hurt you, Loki."

"......You're not?" Loki turned his face back toward him, blind eyes flicking about as if hoping to catch sight of something.

"No, brother. I'm not." Balder looked back at his oldest sibling. "Thor. The key, please. It's time to take this collar off of him."

Thor worked his jaw. "Balder. I left it on for all our protection. Once Loki is bett--"

"You asked me if I could find why our brother was blind." Balder interrupted somewhat sharply. " _This_ is why. I can feel Karnilla's magic on it. My wife, Thor. My wife who _hates our brother_!" Balder was not one to usually raise his voice, nor lose his temper and everyone present in the room--including the one who was simply pointed toward his voice--stared at him before Thor mutely brought out the key stone to hand to his youngest sibling.

Balder took it and turned to immediately press it to the gem in the center of the collar, his movements almost too precise and showing how angry he was that this had been done to Loki. He wasn't angry at his family--they hadn't thought of this--but he knew Karnilla better than they did and he would _certainly_ be giving her a piece of his mind when he returned home. The gems flashed and then the collar fell away.

Loki cried out when his magic, so long contained, unraveled from where it had been gathered and began to spread throughout his body again. "It hurts!"

"I'm sorry." Balder said while the family remained tense around him. "I'm so sorry, Loki. I never wanted this for you. I'm here." He reached out for his hand, even at the risk that the contact would hurt his brother worse. "I'm here. We're all here. It will stop hurting soon."

After several minutes which proved painful for observer and victim both, Loki, who was clinging to Balder and Frigga's skirt both, slowly relaxed, his pained cries quieting.

"Brother?" Thor asked, venturing nearer, guilt written all over his face for his part in his brother's pain.

Loki turned his head in his direction, but the eyes that sought his still didn't see him and Thor looked to Balder. "You said the collar was the cause of his blindness!"

"I did say that." Balder said sadly. "But I didn't say removing the collar would undo it. Only time will tell if that's possible now."

If only time would tell, then Thor vowed silently to search out possible solutions if time did not prove the cure. This was his fault; if he had only listened to Loki when he said the collar caused him pain, this wouldn't have happened! He would scour the Nine Realms to find answers if that was what it took. Somehow he would put this to rights.


	8. Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you all I would be starting a study-heavy school course in May. Well it turns out that it got moved to September, so...false alarm! I don't know if I'll be done this story before then, but you can bet that I'm going to try.

Two hours after the collar had been removed, Thor sat on a chair in his chambers with his head in his hands, feeling sick to stomach and heart both.

Loki was blind because of him. Because he hadn't listened when Loki told him the collar hurt, because he hadn't given in when Loki had begged him to take it off. His brother had been suffering needlessly all this time, in pain all this time, all because of his own stupidity. All because he hadn't listened.

Loki didn't want his company either, and had accused Thor of letting it happen. Thor knew it was just his brother being his bitter and hurtful self, but it struck too close to him. Loki wanted to be with Balder now. Balder who he had killed before Ragnarok. Was it wise to leave them alone? Well Balder wouldn't hurt Loki, and Loki was in no condition--hopefully--to hurt anyone. Thor just wanted him to be better, and he would search every rock on every glacial beach if that was what it took to find the answer and restore what he had caused to be stolen.

He didn't lift his head when he heard the door open and close. Didn't look up when footsteps approached or when a hand touched his shoulder.

"You didn't know." Sif spoke.

"Does it matter?" Thor said miserably. "If I had listened to him when he'd wanted it off, when he told me it hurt...all he wanted was the collar off, Sif!" He finally lifted his head to look at her, desperate for her to understand. "I....I hurt him.....my foolishness hurt him, and now....."

"And now." Sif repeated with steel in her voice. "You will put it to rights."

The pain in his eyes turned to sullen anger. "And how might you suggest I do so?"

"Hodir was born blind." Sif pointed out, bringing up Balder's rarely spoken of and now dead twin--as he had perished when Balder had, but had refused to return with him. "Loki was not. For him, the blindness isn't natural, so mayhaps it can be repaired." She paused. "Humans have ways to repair blindness, do they not?"

Thor stared at her in surprise and blinked a couple of times. "They do...." He said slowly. "Though I know not if their medicines could aid a god, or that they would aid Loki even if it could. He is not spoken well of in their history as a result of what he did."

"What about your human allies?"

"The ones who died, or the ones I've gained since?"

Sif made a vague gesture. "Either. Both. Whichever."

Thor sighed, but obligingly considered it. He'd promised himself he would look for a solution, and that would have to involve unlikely ones. "Bruce was not that kind of doctor, Anthony not a doctor at all. I do not believe Beast was that kind of doctor either." He looked to Sif. "Donald Blake's specialty was the brain, which I suppose is close...." He shook his head. "As for those that live, SWORD would be the very last ones who would ever aid Loki for the reason I already pointed out."

"Blake, then."

Thor sighed. "Except Blake is not in Valhalla, Sif. He belongs to Hela."

Sif scowled. "And this concerns her father. Surely she would not mind if you borrowed him."

Thor rubbed his face. "I suppose I could try...." But Hela wasn't overly fond of him, and he worried the price she would ask in return for borrowing a soul rightfully hers would be higher than one he could pay. He straightened up and moved to stand. Best not to waste any time, and night was the time of the dead anyway.

\------------------------------------------------------------

"Hail, niece." Thor greeted Hela, attempting a small smile and trying not to be distracted by the fact she seemed barely dressed.

"Hail, Thor." Hela responded with no attempt at warmth, though she wasn't known for being friendly to the living regardless. "Whyfor do you trespass into my halls?"

"I wish to borrow the time of Donald Blake." Thor explained. "I will of course retu--"

"No." She cut him off, sitting back on her throne of bones and skulls. "Though once he was a part of you, that fact long ago ceased to be truth. You have no right to him, son of Odin."

"I need his skills, Hela." Thor responded, trying to keep his temper. "Once he's done what I need, he will be returned to you. I swear it."

Her eyes, the same color as Loki's, glittered. "And for what would a god have need of a human?"

"For knowing things gods need not normally know." He wished he had more of Blake's knowledge so he wouldn't have to deal with his niece.

"Don't be vague with me. The dead have no patience for it and nor do I. Speak plainly or leave my realm before I claim your soul for bothering me."

Thor's eyes narrowed a faction. Had he thought she was only not overly fond? That sounded a lot worse than slight dislike. "He worked with matters of the brain." He said. "One among us needs his knowledge."

"I care not for the troubles of Asgard." Hela replied. "I will say it but once more. Get out of my realm."

Damn it and damn her. ".....The individual in question is Loki."

 _That_ sharpened her interest and she sat forward again. "My _father_ is the one in need of a human doctor?" She stood up and took two steps to get in Thor's face, eyes pools of emerald fire. "What caused _that_? Or should I say _who_?"

Being afraid of Hela would avail him not, though it was hard not to be worried about someone who could kill you with a touch if she so chose. Still, Thor stood his ground and met her eyes. "He's gone blind, Hela." He stated. "Donald Blake is the one who has the best chance of finding out if there's a way to reverse that."

"A human." She said flatly. "A _human_ can do more for him than exalted Asgard's healers?"

"They couldn't help your Uncle Hodir." He pointed out. "Death gave him sight, but not before. Humans know more about this problem. I am not trying to steal him from you, Hela. At worst Blake can do nothing to help him, but there is nothing lost in attempting. He _will_ return to your halls."

Hela fell silent and returned to her throne. There she sat and stared at him for nearly a minute before she finally spoke. "You have a fortnight. Take Blake, but if you do not return him two weeks hence, I will claim _your_ soul in repayment."

Thor's expression tightened, but he nodded. "A fortnight. I will have him back to you by then." To have that much time was both worrying and a relief. He hoped it wouldn't take nearly that long, for making bargains with beings powerful enough to slay gods nearly always proved problematic.

\------------------------------------------------------------

When Thor first brought him up out of Helheim, Donald had been sure that it was really Asgard's King who needed his head checked rather than Loki. Neurosurgery was his forté, not conditions to do with the eyes themselves. Yet, when Thor took him to the healing wing and had them show Donald the scans of Loki's brain, he was forced to admit that maybe this _was_ his field after all.

"Alright." He said after a few minutes of puzzling over the seemingly dead parts of the brain, none of which lined up with the occipital cortex present in a human brain. "Can you have Loki brought back here again? I'd like to take a look while his brain is active, if I can."

"Of course." Thor said readily and sent a nearby guard away to bring Loki and Balder. His brother was likely to be difficult for Thor's presence alone, but Thor knew he still had his smarts and would surely realize this was all to try to help him. Though then again, Thor's last attempts to help him had caused this in the first place.

"So...dare I asked what brought him to this point, or....?"

"He was wearing a collar that restrained his magic." Thor said, doing his best to keep the guilt and misery out of his voice. "I....didn't take it off of him. Other things were--are--wrong with him, and I thought it was safer. It turned out that the collar was apparently the cause of all of his issues."

"Well, I know how you Asgardians recover from things, but I'll be honest here, Thor. From my initial impression, it looks like he's suffering neuronal necrosis. Those brain cells are dead. Humans never make more of those, though since you guys are different...." Donald sighed. "Sorry. I'm babbling."

"Loki is..." Thor trailed off and shook his head. "Let us wait for Loki and Balder to arrive."

Donald nodded to him, sensitive to the atmosphere and they spent the remaining minutes in silence before Loki arrived, helped along by Balder, who, having been guiding his own blind twin for centuries, knew to warn Loki of things to keep him from running into anything or being startled.

"God." Donald muttered when he saw the God of Mischief. Still so emaciated from his long imprisonment, sightless eyes wide as if by doing so he could somehow catch a glimpse of something. Dressed simply. There was nothing, _nothing_ of the arrogant Prince Donald remembered from the memories that he and Thor had shared between them. "Okay. Um....Balder, was it? I'm Donald Blake. Thor asked me to take a look at Loki."

"Hail, Donald Blake." Balder said with a slight, but sincere smile as he helped Loki over and onto the Soul Forge. "I haven't seen a living human since I was a youth."

"Ah, well....I'm not exactly living." Donald replied awkwardly, following them over, smiling gratefully to the healer who started up the Forge for him so he could manipulate it.

"Donald Blake." Loki intoned slowly, as if tasting the name. "Thor's Shell."

"Mm. Once."

"Didn't I try to kill you?"

Donald forced a laugh. Straight into awkward within fifteen seconds. _Good to see you too, Loki._ "A few times, but I got the feeling you did that to a lot of people."

Loki closed his eyes. "I did a lot of bad things."

Donald couldn't help the sardonic thought of 'the monster has a heart after all', but he knew it had never really been him Loki had been after, but Thor tucked away inside him. After some further twiddling, he was able to bring up the scans of his brain, and his eyebrows went up. "Okay....I take back what I said...."

Thor came to his side. "What is it?"

"The necrosis. It seems to be....reversing itself." He made an incredulous noise and shook his head. "Asgardian physiology is amazing....."

"So you are saying his vision will return?" Thor tried not to sound hopeful.

"Quite possibly." He motioned to the scan. "There isn't much activity yet, but compared to the first scan--"

"Ah." Thor's mood crashed again. "The first scan was taken with the collar on. Eir said it could have been interfering with the Soul Forge."

"Well either way, it looks better than it had." Donald pointed out. "I don't know what I can _do_ , or if there's anything I _could_ do, but I have about two weeks, right? I could always stick around if it would make you feel better.....though, Thor....his brain isn't like a human's. To be honest, I have no idea what I'm looking at. It's shaped the same, but it isn't organized in the same way."

Thor rubbed the back of his head. "I didn't think of that." He admitted. Once more the fool, Donald couldn't have helped anyway.

"Two weeks, you said?" The healer ventured. "I could show you our texts on the matter, m'lord." She looked to Thor as she said the last, as if asking for permission.

Thor smiled sunnily to her in response. "Thank you, Syveia. Is that well for you, Donald?"

"Um....yeah. No, actually that's great." Donald's smile was a bit strained. "Except....I can't read your language."

"Actually, you can." Thor corrected. "Just as I can read English from my once connection to you, you can read Aesin."

Donald blinked. "Oh. Huh. I wish I'd known that sooner." He turned to the healer. "In that case, thank you." He turned back to Loki. "I guess I'll be seeing you again then, Loki."

"I wish I could see you." Loki said miserably in reply.

\------------------------------------------------------------

It was long into night now, but Thor found he could not sleep. It didn't surprise him of course, for he had much on his mind. Leaving Sif to her rest, he walked the halls until he reached the Vault and with a nod to the Einherjar who guarded it, stepped within and down the steps, stopping at every alcove as if to check to insure that the relics were still present and accounted for. Finally he came to the end of the line where the prize of the collection sat in the place the Casket of Ancient Winters previously had. Even asleep, it still had an alluring glow to it. The Tesseract.

As soon as he laid eyes upon it, he knew what he wanted to do. His hands flexed at his sides as he contemplated the Cosmic Cube. Even if it could give him the answers he sought, would he be happier in having them or only add to his misery? Yet he couldn't stand the not knowing and in the end, he picked it up. He didn't have Gungnir with him to stop the long rebuilt Destroyer from reacting, but he'd had sense enough to being Mjölnir and with his free hand he loosed it from his belt and pointed the weapon at the Vault's last line of defense. "Stop." The Destroyer obeyed and with only a short hesitation, it returned to its alcove.

Thor replaced the hammer on his belt and looked at the Tesseract. He could sense its awareness brushing his in curiosity and he smiled slightly. It had taken a long time, but it's steadily darkening nature had been mostly reversed--or so he felt, in any event. "Tesseract." He greeted it. "Can you help me with what I seek to know?"

It brushed his mind again, seeking the question so as to give the answer, and though he of course could have simply told it, a part of him wanted to see what it would do.

His surroundings abruptly darkened significantly and he looked around in surprise, taking a few moments before he realized he stood within Loki's once cell beneath Yggdrasil and save for the glow of the Tesseract, there seemed to be no light at all. Yet somehow Loki was writing in the dirt, carving in words with blood and malice. Moments later he was in a different position howling, and then writing not anger but apology. Then again and again and Thor realized the Tesseract was showing him snippits of time, moments of Loki's imprisonment. Thor watched as Loki stripped away the armor he'd been thrown into the cell with and lay it by the door. Piece by piece he stripped it all off and day by day it mysteriously vanished.

"Show me." Thor demanded, and the Tesseract understood he was asking why the armor was going away. The snippets of time stopped and Thor watched as Loki set down his chestpiece, clothes hanging open. He then sat beside the door and waited. A few moments later, the door opened slightly.

"Cover your eyes." A female voice spoke and Loki obeyed. The door opened further and Thor saw the visitor. It was Urd, the future teller of the Norns and eldest of the three.

"And which is this payment, Loki?" The old crone asked as a smaller hand belonging to the youngest Norn--Skuld--reached around the older one's dress to snatch the chestpiece. "You have nothing more after this."

"I have nothing before this either." Loki responded. "Please, just tell me....will someone come for me?"

"One and one and one again." Urd responded. "Once you have counted times beyond counting, someone will come for you."

Loki, his eyes still covered, laughed bitterly. "I will give you my clothing until I am nothing but my skin if I can have company for days longer."

"We will take your clothes and with them goes your mind." Spoke Skuld. "But in that you may endure."

"May I have light?" Asked Loki.

"You are dark and must lie in the dark." The middle Norn, Verdandi, responded.

"But I am afraid."

"Then know the fear." Urd spoke again. "But know also that nothing shall harm you in this dark, not even Nidhogg himself."

Loki said no more, and the Norns moved to depart, though before they did, Thor fancied they turned to look at him.

Chilled both by knowing where Loki had gotten his chant from and why he had been found naked, Thor asked the Tesseract to cease the visions and replaced the Cube back on its place before he turned to quickly leave, trying not to seem as shaky as he felt. But at least he knew one thing; the Norns had kept his brother from dying, even if they had taken his sanity to do it.


	9. Bitterness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize as always for the fact that life has happened and I was unable to get this out as swiftly as I'd have liked. As always, thank you for your patience.

It had been three days, three very busy days. Word had gotten out not only about the return of the Casket to Jötunheim, but also about Loki and it seemed everyone in the Nine Realms wanted to give their opinion on the topics.

Finally however, after three long days where Thor felt like he had literally done nothing but eat, sleep and listen to people complain at him, the last person was finally seen out and he let his head fall back on the throne. "Norns below, Sif. Now I see why you didn't want Jötunheim to have the Casket. One would think the other realms have forgotten we have an alliance with the Jötnar."

"A lot of people would like to forget about that alliance." Sif uttered bitterly, then met Thor's gaze when he rolled his head to look at her. "Not _me_ , Thor. I don't trust Helblindi, but I don't hate him or wish needless death upon him or his people. I am War, not Plague or Genocide. I have _purpose_."

"I know that, Sif." He rubbed his face. "I'm closing court for the day. If anyone else shows up with the same complaint, then they can tell it to the guards. I believe you and I don't need to listen to it all again."

"You should have done that two days ago." She replied dryly, then slowly stood off the throne and rubbed the small of her back. "How is it that your son has barely begun doing anything, and yet is already causing me back pain?"

Thor gave her a slightly amused look. "I think that's the throne, beloved and don't tease me like that. I don't want to get excited for a son and end up with a daughter."

"Would you be disappointed?"

"Of course! I can't teach a girl how to pee into the plants!"

Sif choked back laughter with an effort. "Of course that's your highest priority." She shook her head at him. "Though speaking of plants, I'll be in the garden if you want to find me."

"Aye." Thor also stood and rubbed his back. "I shall find out if Loki has decided to forgive me yet, and see if Donald has made any progress on finding out if there's anything that can be done for him."

\------------------------------------------------------------

"I don't know what to tell you, Thor." Donald said, motioning at the parchment where he had taken notes. "Asgardian brains aren't like human brains, but Loki isn't like _either_. There's enough similarities to an Asgardian for me to guess at some things, but not enough to figure out if there's a way to fix his eyes."

Thor rubbed his forehead and sighed. "We sometimes have Ironwood Frost Giants here in Asgard, but there aren't any at the moment....and even then, I don't think they would allow the Soul Forge to examine them...."

"Has anyone asked?"

"If so, it seemed they had declined." Thor sighed heavily. "Thank you for trying, in any event."

Donald furrowed his brows and frowned. "Well, I still have time, and I'd like to maybe take more scans, ask Loki questions to see what lights up. It's hit and miss that way, but it's better than doing nothing."

Thor nodded, brows furrowed in concern and thought. "How has he been otherwise?"

"Oh, his behavior?" Donald gave a wry smile. "Well, I didn't grow up with him, you understand....but he's definitely not being the child much anymore."

"Really?" Thor said slowly. "Mayhaps he was faking it all along after all, then."

Donald shook his head. "No. I can tell you with near certainty that he wasn't. I've been using the Soul Forge on him every day to keep an eye on things, and his brain has simply been recovering with amazing speed. I just can't figure out what matches up to his visual center. Everything is working on some level now. I just don't understand it."

Thor put a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you." He said with deep sincerity. "Even if it turns out you can do nothing, I am very grateful that you tried."

"I'm not an Optometrist, but it's possible that it's cataracts." Donald said after a moment. "I've been so focused on his brain that I didn't think to check his eyes."

"Would you be able to fix it if it was?"

Donald shook his head. "I'm not an Ophthalmologist either, Thor. I trained for brain and spinal cord injuries, not ocular ones."

Thor frowned. "As he is already blind, would it hurt to try?"

Donald looked at him like he was crazy. "Do I _really_ need to list all the reasons that would be a bad idea?"

"No, of course not. I simply...." Thor trailed off and sighed heavily. "Thank you, in any event. I would like to have you back in Helheim before Hela can claim you have been here too long, for I believe my wife would find it horribly offensive if my soul was taken."

Donald's lip twitched as he fought a smile. "Yeah, I get that. Not a good idea to cross Sif."

"Aye, indeed not." Thor agreed.

Donald shook his head. "Well, if you're done dealing with your snafu--news really gets around, doesn't it?--then maybe you should go see him."

"I was planning that very thing, but thank you." Thor clapped a hand onto Donald's shoulder. "And truly. Thank you for trying."

\------------------------------------------------------------

"Hail, Thor." Loki greeted him when the Asgardian King entered his rooms and approached him. He was dressed in one of his spellcasting robes, mostly green with gold runes stitched along the sleeves and a black crescent where Loki normally had a gold one on his chest. He was also facing away from Thor, sitting on the floor by his balcony, face toward the window.

Thor approached more cautiously, consciously trying to silence his gait and Loki's head swung around with a hiss as soon as he couldn't clearly hear the other. Sightless eyes flicked around the room, and he tilted his head to try and detect the other's location. "Thor." Loki growled after a few moments. "I can hear you breathing. Don't play these games with me."

"How did you know it was me?" Thor asked, stopping not far from Loki and watching as his brother turned toward his voice, though he ended up staring more at Thor's shoulder.

Loki's lip curled up slightly. "I know your gait, Thor. I grew up with you, after all."

"You certainly did." Thor stepped closer and opted to sit across from his brother, Loki turning his head and tilting it to hear Thor as he moved. It hit Thor suddenly how the motions were similar to how Hodir had kept track of people. Was Loki mimicking behaviors he'd seen in the knowledge that Hodir had always made Thor uncomfortable, or was it actually necessary?

"You sound....more like your old self today." He commented.

"Do I?" Loki slid his eyes in the direction of Thor's voice. "It would probably seem like less of a shock if you had been around the past three days, but between your once Shell and Balder, I've recovered quite well over all."

Thor smiled. "I'm glad, brother."

"Are you? Are you sure you wouldn't prefer to have the dependent, broken thing I had been reduced to instead? The childish idiot who was _oh so sorry_ he had done the Big Bad Thing?"

Thor's smile vanished as quickly as clouds could cover the sun. "I'm a little _less_ glad now." He admitted. "Why are you doing this, Loki?"

In reply, Loki waved a hand in front of his own face. "I wonder."

Thor sighed heavily. "I'm sorry that happened to you, Loki. I truly am, but it isn't fair for you to take it out on me."

"Well it wasn't doing much to _Balder_ , and since he left this morning to return to his harpy bitch wife and you're here, you get to be subjected to my moods." Loki gave a feral smile. "Besides, it _is_ your fault. If you had taken the collar off the _first_ time, this all--"

"I know." Thor cut him off flatly. "I know this is my fault. It's why I went to Helheim for Donald Blake and risked my own soul in the process. If it wasn't for your sake, I doubt Hela would have let me take him."

Loki growled in his throat. "Well, he hasn't done me any good. Oh my _brain_ looks good, but since it's not much like an Aesir, Vanir or human brain, he can't puzzle it out." He curled his lips back. "As if I needed any more reminders...."

Thor rubbed his forehead. "Did Balder tell you I struck an alliance with Jötunheim over a decade ago?"

"He told me. I also heard you gave the Casket of Ancient Winters to their King and you've been dealing with the complaints since then. I'm _shocked_ you would do something so unpopular."

"So are a lot of people." Thor muttered. "But I've waited too long as it is to allow them to heal the damage you did to them with the Observatory. King Helblindi, who I'd point out is your blood brother, swore an oath that he wouldn't use it for ill and I chose to believe him. The realms will simply have to deal with it."

"You should just have left that race of monsters to die."

"Then we would be equal, is that it?"

Loki narrowed his sightless eyes at him. ".....What is that supposed to mean?"

"If I let the Frost Giants all die, like you tried to kill all of us." Thor elaborated flatly. "But I've learned from your example, brother. From you and from humanity. I won't be a monster. I won't allow anyone to die if I'm in a position where I can prevent it. No more. If I have to be an unpopular King to do the right thing, then so be it."

"Good Norns, and it only took you half a century to figure it out." Loki gave a mirthless smile. "Quite the rousing speech, but you've forgotten that the blind one sitting across from you doesn't get to have that kind of choice. Frost Giants are--"

"Sentient beings, deserving of the same rights as any other and no more good or evil than we are." Thor gave Loki a look, though the other of course couldn't see it. "You were raised an Odinson, and while you denounce the man who raised you, I noticed you still called Frigga your mother. She gave you her tricks and tried to give us both her wisdom. What happened to that, Loki? Once you would have been my adviser. I've seen your true skin, and I've spoken with Frost Giants many a time, including Helblindi. They're not monsters. You don't get to hide behind blaming your race for the evil you've done. Aren't you sorry at all?"

"I'm sorry." Loki said. "I'm sorry I didn't succeed. I hate leaving a job half finished."

"Enough of your lies." Thor said darkly. "I'm in no mood to entertain your falsehoods. Now that your mind is restored, I could always have you moved to the dungeons."

Loki turned his face away, blind eyes seeking the afternoon light. "Once I would have said I was proud of who you've become." He said quietly. "That you've finally learned the most important lesson; that a King must do what is right, not what makes him happy. But as always, you learn your lessons at the expense of others. Always have I suffered so that you might learn."

"Quite the martyr then." Thor remarked dryly. He moved to stand. "I'll make certain some food is sent to you, as it doesn't look as you've eaten but breakfast today. Perhaps when you've had some sustenance to settle your mood, we'll speak again more civilly. I have many things I would choose to discuss with you, including some things about Jötnar that I think for your own understanding you should know."

He turned to leave, but then paused. "Your birth mother and brother would like to meet you, by the way. You weren't left to die, brother. Odin stole you. Father claims he didn't know the truth, but your mother and brother wish to know you. She's Vanir, if that helps you any. I'll come back this evening. I know you prefer the cool of night."

"One and one and one again." Loki intoned softly, smoothing down part of his robe while Thor stiffened. "All I see is the black, Thor. The heat is the only way I know it's day. Night makes little difference. There is no change in my world.....come back this evening, and then yes, we'll talk." He turned away again, and after a few moments of simply staring at him, Thor left.


	10. Deception

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty guys. This is the last update before I start classes next month, so expect that updates are going to take _even longer_ as the class will be heavily work-intensive and I likely won't have any brain left over for creative stuff. Hopefully it won't be the whole nine months before another update, but otherwise I'll see you again sometime next summer!

Evening came, and as Thor promised, he was heading back to Loki's room to speak to him when he came across Donald Blake staring in fascination out a window at the nebula coming into view as the light faded from the sky. "You were certainly right about one thing." Thor spoke, distracting him. "Loki is assuredly not the child any longer."

Donald nodded to him. "No, definitely not. If he was human I would call his recovery miraculous. The perks of being a god, right?"

"Indeed so." Thor agreed. "Unless this is more trickery, but this time I doubt it. When I spoke with him earlier, he was fairly consistent..." He frowned slightly. "I suppose it truly was the collar holding him back all this time."

"Hm. Well, the first day he was timid, shy and apologetic for the most part, but the next day he was asking me about the weather in Helhelm and was being more curious, then earlier today he asked after Jane and what it's like knowing I was created to be someone else's flesh suit." Donald arched a brow. "Though he apologized for the flesh suit comment and admitted it was uncalled for, so I don't know. The Loki I remember kept trying to kill me to get at you, after all."

Thor looked somewhat surprised. "He said these things to you, and yet you are still willing to help him?"

"I'm a glutton for punishment, I guess." Donald shrugged slightly. "Besides, you're his brother and you went to a lot of trouble to get me here. Maybe it's the least I can do for you treating me like a person."

Thor put a hand on Donald's shoulder and squeezed gently. "You _are_ a person. Regardless of what your original purpose was, you have long since moved far beyond it and earned growth in your own right. Though....if it is not an impolite question; what _is_ it like in Helheim?"

Donald laughed softly. "It's fine. Probably nothing a warrior would find interesting of course, but for someone like me it's great, nice and peaceful and I can exchange notes with others from similar professions. Not much use for those skills there, but you know....getting to learn is its own reward."

"So I am told." Thor said with an amused smile. "I am on my way to spend some time with Loki this evening. Did you have time to check for cataracts?"

Donald shook his head. "Mm, no. I've been doing some more research on Vanir brains and any information I could find on eyes and eye diseases. Your own library doesn't have much on that, but your....uh, internet-like system has almost too much information. I had to do a lot of narrowing down with all the species stored in that thing."

"Sorry." Thor said sincerely enough. "I truly do appreciate the effort and I hope you can find interesting things if you cannot find anything useful in the end." He pat Donald's shoulder and then continued on his way.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Thor entered Loki's room as quietly as he could. Perhaps it was unfair to play such games on a blind man, especially one that didn't like being snuck up on to begin with, but it was also the best way to see Loki without his brother putting on a facade and he was not unrewarded for the effort. 

He heard Loki before he saw him, and when he did, he found the younger curled up on his bed, clinging to a pillow with another at his back and sobbing in a way Thor hadn't seen since his twin daughters born of his marriage to the fire sorceress Glut had been taken from him by his ex-wife to Nornheim where he could not follow or risk Karnilla's wrath.

Loki likely wouldn't have heard him even if Thor hadn't been trying to sneak, but the King of Asgard felt immensely guilty anyway and he purposefully scuffed his boot on the floor. Loki sucked in a breath and froze, though his body trembled with the effort it took to remain silent after such hysterical sobbing. He looked like a cornered animal now, which did nothing for Thor's guilt.

"Loki." Thor spoke at last, only to have to hastily duck when Loki threw a wild blast of magic at him as soon as he had his location. "Hey!"

"You...." Loki hissed, and then choked on a sob before he buried his face in the pillow. "I hate you." He said around another involuntary sob.

"Liar." Thor replied blandly and moved to sit on the bed. Loki growled at him, but Thor ignored it and put a hand on Loki's shoulder before shifting closer to rub his back. "What is it, brother?"

Loki didn't answer, instead trying to get control of himself. Thor let him, rubbing his back and the back of his neck to try and help. Eventually Loki quieted and just let Thor lend the physical comfort in silence before he opened his blind eyes to stare sightlessly at the pillow in front of himself.

"A century spent in darkness." He intoned wearily. "And now here we are again." He shifted to sit up, shuffling to press himself against the older's side as if starved for contact--and it was quite likely he was. "I am frustrated, Thor. I am _bored_. I now understand fully why Hodir was so bitter." He sighed heavily and wiped his eyes. "What good is my magic? What good are my skills? I cannot _see_!"

"Give it time, brother. I have been expecting too much of your recovery, and perhaps that has worn off on you." Thor put his arm around him. "Donald believes now it may be cataracts; a film over--"

"I know what cataracts are." Loki snapped before he shook his head. "Cataracts can be fixed, I believe. If it's only that, then....heh....mayhaps someone on Midgard could fix my eyes."

"Perhaps so." Thor agreed. "Or perhaps it is time that the healers of Asgard caught up on the ailments of the more fallible."

"What's this? Do you not trust me around your precious mortals, Thor?" Loki sneered.

"More that in this I would not trust them with you." Thor replied. "You are known in history brother, and do you know the only humans I would trust at all with you would be SWORD? They are a branch from SHIELD that was created specifically for otherworldy beings.....but again, you are known in their history, not as the myths speak of us. I could not be sure if they would not take the chance to harm you."

Loki rolled his eyes in the direction of Thor's voice. "Then perhaps you should remind them that you are King of Asgard, God of Thunder and you do not bow to _humans_. I'm certain they need you more than you need them."

"Perhaps so." Thor responded. "I have never regained the rapport I once had with the original Avengers." He made a scoffing noise. "I would trust one of _them_ with your eyes than anyone in SWORD."

"I suppose--what was his real name again?--Stark. That's it. Anthony Stark. He could make me mechanical eyes or something." Loki snorted lightly. "Norns....I might just get that desperate....where did your companions end up, anyway?"

"Bruce and Anthony went to Fólkvangr, Steven went to Heaven.....many of them went to Heaven, actually."

Loki made a disgusted face. "That figures.....where did the Black Widow end up?"

"I don't know." Thor admitted. "Hopefully Natasha made it to Heaven, or wherever James Barnes ended up."

"James Barn--oh, the Winter Soldier." Loki abruptly grinned. "Look at me, remembering such antiquated things."

"I'm glad your memory is returning." Thor said sincerely. He paused briefly. "You said you were bored. Would you like it if I read to you?"

"Reading suits you ill, brother." Loki replied. "But surely you have tales to tell me. I would hear of your adventures. Or alternatively, you can catch me up on current affairs."

"Very well, Loki." Thor agreed and considered for a few moments before he decided on a place to begin.

\------------------------------------------------------------

By the time Thor finally left so he could be well rested for what tomorrow might bring, Loki had become well aware of the alliances both with Earth and Jötunheim--the latter of which Loki had been very much in protest of. It was well past dark by now, and of course no torches had been lit because it wouldn't make a difference for Loki anyway. Essentially that was true, but as what might be expected of the God of Lies, Loki had lied.

It was really no surprise that he would of course, but the important thing was that Thor had no idea. Oh, in the technical sense he _was_ blind, only able to see the most blurred of shapes, but he could detect light and from the colors, he could more or less tell where something or someone was. None the less, no matter how close he held something to his face, he couldn't focus on it. That he couldn't read was true, but that his world was only darkness was the lie.

He managed to make ready for bed by feel alone, and when morning dawned, he was delighted to find that while his vision was still horrible, it seemed better than yesterday, for it was easier to discern what things were and he was able to dress himself in more complicated garb than a robe.

He ordered breakfast for himself, making certain to make himself seem more helpless than he actually was and listening for the guards he knew were nearby rather than looking toward the blur of their armor and capes. If things continued to improve at the current rate, then he estimated that in about a week, he would have near complete vision again. He also asked the guard to have Donald Blake join him and returned to his room, pleased with his navigation skills and plotting how best to stifle the news that his eyes were improving.

Donald showed up when Loki was halfway through the second plate of food, for he still needed to eat an enormous amount to regain a healthy weight. He half-closed his eyes, listening to the footfalls of the human Neurosurgeon. "Thank you for coming. I hope this wasn't too early for you."

"I've been a doctor for too long. I'm used to having to wake up quickly." Donald circled around the table, giving Loki a wary amount of space. The trickster smiled thinly. The human was definitely not stupid. "What can I do for you?"

"I'll save time. I've begun being able to see light and colors since last night, and this morning it seems improved--though it could just be the amount of light. I'm not seeing the full spectrum I'm accustomed to, so everything is very muted, but I think I know where you are."

"Well yes, you are looking in my direction." Donald said. He waved his arm and Loki was vaguely able to track the movement. "Okay, that's good. I was going to check for cataracts today, but it looks like that won't be needed." He laughed softly. "Incredible. Wow....you guys really are something else."

"We're gods." Loki said. "I had acid dripped into my eyes once, and they recovered from that, so this isn't really too much of a surprise."

"What? Acid?" Donald paused. "The....uhm....a snake?"

"While lashed to a rock and Sigyn to catch the potent venom that ate through skin and tissue, but not bone or the bowl." Loki clarified. "I'm aware it's part of a prophecy, but I had no sons for one to disembowel the other. Skadi lashed me there.....ahh, it's been too long, I don't remember why. Lies and intrigue. An old tale, either way."

"Wow...."

"In any event, I do not wish Thor to know of this improvement. In fact, I would find it highly desirable if you would simply return to Helheim immediately."

Donald sighed. "He's going to notice, Loki. I know you think Thor's an idiot, but he's not."

"Really?" Loki replied. "His utter inattention on the part of my condition would prove otherwise." He shook his head. "It matters not. I am a master of illusion. He isn't going to notice, and you aren't going to tell. Let him stew in his guilt a little."

Donald was silent for several moments. "Yeah, sure." He said at last. "Whatever the patient wants. I still can't return to Helheim until Thor gives the okay, so if you want to be poked and prodded at his behest, sure. We'll keep up the charade."

Loki narrowed his eyes toward the blur that was Donald. "....No." He said after a few moments. "I don't think so." He muttered something under his breath and gestured in Donald's direction.

The next thing Donald knew he was walking into the Observatory and speaking with Heimdall to be returned to Helheim--except he wasn't talking. It was like being trapped in his own body, watching it be piloted by someone else. The Observatory spun and he was sent away. Only in Helheim did the spell release him, and he was left only able to hope that whatever Loki planned would backfire on him quickly before someone got hurt.


	11. Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it happened; I started school. I warned you all it could take a while, so thanks for being patient and sticking it out! I'm braindead a lot for writing since my studies take most of my concentration, but hopefully you won't find my quality suffering too much.

It was longer than days, longer than weeks and into months. Loki's memories returned, though he still refused to tell Thor his motivation for Ragnarok. His vision returned as well, but no one in Asgard was aware of that fact. Being the observant person he had always been, Loki had watched Hodir in the past and while his memories of certain things might be more vague than others by virtue of time, his act didn't need to be perfect when no one but Balder would know the truth. Hodir had made people uncomfortable, so all Loki had to do was cause the same response.

So, with an illusion for his eyes so it seemed as if they never focused, stumbling and groping or poking things with the white cane Thor had thoughtfully gotten from Earth for him, he made his way around Asgard.

With Loki's act in full and Asgard now believing he had been rendered mostly harmless, life returned somewhat to normal, though what 'normal' was of course varied from person to person.

"Thor!" Sif called to her husband where she sat on their bed, staring down at her swollen belly and trying to lift her legs. "Thor!"

"I'm coming, beloved!" Thor called back and shortly thereafter emerged from the bathing room, wearing nothing but a pair of pants. "What is it?"

Sif sulked at him, though the expression was ruined by the twinkle in her eye that exposed her playful mood. "I can't find my feet."

Thor arched a brow at her, then dutifully stepped over and knelt. He pondered her feet for a few moments and then took hold of one to pinch a toe. "I found them!" He got kicked in the chest for his trouble and tumbled back, laughing.

"You are terrible!" She huffed. "I expected mayhaps a massage."

"As much as it pains me to admit it, Sif." Thor said with a light smile. "I still cannot mind read. _That_ , I am told, is only a skill between Jötnar mates and twins, of which we are neither." He rolled back to his feet to step back over, kneel again and give his wife the foot massage she so wanted.

She wiggled her toes and sighed. "We're due for another diplomat visit, aren't we?"

"Balder is going to them again." Thor replied. "I think he enjoys Jötunheim, but considering the wealth of information he's been able to provide us as a result of first hand experience, I cannot say that I'm complaining about that. Besides, it _is_ safer for him there than it is for one of their kind here."

"I cannot say I blame them." Sif said and sighed for a less pain-relief based reason. " _I_ get nervous having one of them here, especially the half-bloods that can look like us. You don't have to tell me it's a terrible thing, but I still think of Loki and his deceptions when I look at one of them."

Thor said nothing for several moments, concentrating on relieving her immediate discomfort. When he was done with her feet he moved to sit down beside her on the bed. "Loki was raised among us, not them. The majority of Jötnar are even more terrible liars than you are, my love. The only one I would say is purposefully deceitful is Angrboda, but I haven't seen her since her marriage with Loki dissolved, and in recent years I've oft wondered if he didn't embellish events based solely upon discovery of what she is."

Sif shook her head slightly. "Regardless. The half-bloods who can look Vanir....what if there are some living among us already and we don't know it?"

"So what if there are, Sif? They have their Casket and we're allied. They have no reason to--"

" _Reasoning_ be damned!" Sif slammed her hand down on the bed. "Why do your humans go to war with one another, Thor? Resources! They're still suffering in spite of our provisions. If they decide that Asgard has everything they want and--" She cut off to put a hand to her stomach.

"Sif?" Thor looked at her in concern.

"I'm fine. The baby must not like my yelling." She rubbed her stomach soothingly. "In any event...."

"Asgard has been no better than that in the past, Sif." Thor said gently and put his hand to her abdomen as well, smiling when he felt the baby kick. "We are building a new future. If there is an attack, then it will be by a few dissents, not the Frost Giants at large. They cannot afford a war. Please trust in me."

"I trust you, Thor. It's them I don't trust."

"Only because you refuse to meet with any of them. Helblindi finds that strange. We should go there before the baby's born. They honor pregnant women, Sif. It would be an excellent time."

"They put their infants on altars and leave them to the whims of their god." Sif groused. "I want nothing to do with it."

"Elves strap their infants into swaddlers that restrain their movement and hang them up in trees." Thor pointed out.

"But at least they don't _leave_ them there!" Sif replied. "A family member is always nearby."

"It isn't for us to judge them."

"Isn't it? They're our allies and it's barbaric to leave an infant like that!" She wrapped her arms around herself protectively.

Thor pursed his lips and nodded. "Then I'll ask Balder to bring it up to their priests, and if they refuse to change their methods, then Balder can ask them if they would protest someone speaking to Ymir on their behalf. We know ourselves how things can get twisted when you lose communication with your followers. Why, some of the things the humans believe about us borders on ridiculous sometimes!"

"Indeed." Sif snorted. "I'm no harvest goddess, unless you count of warriors."

"Indeed." Thor agreed and moved to stand to head over to a table where paperwork he had to look over sat. "Take the morning off, Sif. Balder should be here in the afternoon."

"I'm not an invalid just because I'm pregnant, Thor!"

"I know, but Eir told you to take it easy and Loki told you the same. They both evidently know what they're talking about, so....go spend time with my brother." He picked up one and partially unrolled it to see if it was looking for, then turned back to her. "You've been saying how he has good advice."

"Mayhaps I will then." Sif sighed. "I suppose it's to the good. At least when the topic is my pregnancy he's more like the friend I remember growing up."

Thor smiled to her. "He loves children almost as much as Volstagg does. For all that he is blind, becoming an uncle will hopefully bring him cheer." He held out the paper. "Here. Look over this and if you feel it's appropriate, read it to Loki." He leaned over to kiss her, and then left to go begin court for the day.

\------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you up, Loki?" Sif called out to him as she entered his rooms to let him know she was there, though she was making no real effort to be quiet, nor could with her gravid state.

"Aye, Sif." Loki called back, quickly vanishing the book he'd been reading by morning light and calling up the illusion to make his eyes appear unseeing. He turned toward her and fought a smirk at her waddling.

He wasn't quite successful however as she scowled. "What are you smiling about, trickster?" She asked. "Have you gotten up to mischief?"

He laughed. "Oh no no, Sif. It's just the sound of your walk. Reaching the final months, are we?"

Sif made an annoyed noise and then levered herself down to sit by him, though she immediately regretted doing so, knowing she would have trouble getting back up again. "Aye, and I'm glad for it. Then Thor will cease pestering me about its gender, and I shall be able to return to the training fields."

Loki clucked his tongue. "Still hiding the gender of his child from him, Sif? How cruel of you."

"It's healthy. That's all that matters." Sif replied stubbornly.

"Does it? Or are you afraid it will be a girl?"

She glared at him, even thinking he couldn't see it. "Why would I be afraid of that?" She growled menacingly.

Loki snorted lightly. "I'm sorry. A _feminine_ girl. A girl who loves dresses and likes being pretty. Or what about a boy so much like his uncle? It could happen. Odin has seidr, and Thor's true mother certainly had enough of her own to seed a planet....oh, and you _were_ meant to be a Harvest Goddess. There's plenty of legacy there to end up with a greenwitch of either gender."

"Frigga is 'feminine'." Sif replied. "It doesn't mean my daughter would be unable to rule just because she likes dresses."

"But we don't want another Karnilla either, now do we? A tyrant Queen? She would need a good husband."

"Loki, for Norn's sake, the baby isn't even born yet!"

Loki gave a toothy smile. "But it _is_ a girl, isn't it?"

".....I don't know that." Sif said and eyed him warily. "Unless your lack of physical sight has given you other insights."

"Wouldn't that be a treat?" Loki absently touched his still short hair. "I could see the souls of the dead, just as any necromancer can, but that still relied on my eyes." He smirked. "A shame you're telling the truth. You really _are_ afraid of the child's gender."

Sif growled at him and forced herself back to her feet, though she quickly sought a chair to sit in instead. "I have something to read to you. I'm honestly not sure of it, but Thor thinks it would give you something to help occupy your days."

"What is it?" Loki tilted his head, burning with sudden curiosity and wishing for a moment that he wasn't pretending still to be blind.

In reply Sif took out the paper Thor had handed her. "By the request of King Thor to his brother Prince Loki, the monarch of Asgard does request that the Prince take his place at the side of the throne as adviser to the King and Queen."

Loki nearly choked. "....Wait, I'm sorry. Thor wants me to be his adviser?"

"That's what this says, yes." Sif replied dryly.

"Has he taken leave of his sense? Forgotten perhaps what I've done, what I _am_?"

"You are a liar and a troublemaker, a murderer, a god, a Frost Giant and--in spite of it all--a son of Odin. You were also raised with the idea that you would one day advise Thor."

Loki snarled wordlessly. "It's the _Frost Giant_ part, I refer to. Oh yes, you're allied." He snorted. "What is it? Fifteen years? Barely scratching over a decade. My memories aren't what they used to be to be certain, but I _well_ remember the scorn I received once it was discovered where my true birth lie. I--"

"But you've received none of that since your return, have you?" Sif interrupted.

Loki didn't reply, and when she prompted him, he only grunted.

"You aren't even trying to lie." She said. "Isn't that enough proof? If you don't want to advise, then just say so, but don't insult the position by throwing flimsy excuses at it."

Loki made another non-committal noise. ".....Very well, I accept. I'll need a few days to mentally prepare however."

"I'll let Thor know. He'll be thrilled, to be certain."

Loki quirked a slight, sardonic smile. "And how do _you_ feel about this Frost Giant murderer advising you and Thor?"

"I feel that giving you a reason to care about Asgard will give you less reason to try and burn it down again." She replied, hefting herself to her feet and groaning a bit. Since she had the morning to do as she liked, she thought soaking her feet might be a nice way to spend her time until she sat beside Thor in court later.

Loki let her leave without speaking or correcting her. No one knew why he had committed to Ragnarok, and if he had his way, no one would. Once he was certain he was alone in his room again, he stood to go to his dust-illusioned books and take out one that he admittedly hadn't cracked open for a while. He would have a lot of reading to do in preparing for this role, which he had to admit to himself was one he was glad to fill. As tedious as court could be, it would at least give him something to do.


	12. Plots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this year has been putting me through a high speed spin cycle so far and I didn't have the inclination to write as a result of it all. But school is over now, so hopefully I'll have more time to get chapters out a bit faster.

The first day Loki was announced as advisor to the King and Queen went about as well as could be expected. Many came to protest directly, others sent missives. Some were worrying, as diplomats sent threats of sundering their long alliances with Asgard if the viper should stand by the throne to whisper his lies to those who sat upon it, but many others were simply empty threats. Thor did his best to soothe who he could, and firmly but calmly shut down the rest. Those that remained unmoved by his words he would need to deal with another way.

"So Loki, this is your first day to dispense advice." He said when the day was done and he was left with the threats that were not so easily ignored or calmed.

"You have read them out to me with great care brother, and you have yourself a problem." Loki replied, though he had in fact sat at Thor's side and read the words himself to ensure he knew them well. "You wish for me to advise, but these allies don't agree." He pointed randomly. "Midgard knows only of me through history, so tell them the stories are exaggerated, or if such lies don't sit well with you, tell them of when I suffered the serpent who's venom ate away at me and then tell them of the hundred years in the cell of darkness and dirt....let them believe one happened after the other. Perhaps it would satisfy them."

"Lies already." Thor murmured before he nodded. "And of Alfheim and Nidavellir?"

"Queen Alistaria likely protests because she is expected to." Loki said. "I could perhaps with an escort go to her personally--the escort would only be to show me the way. I fear not the Light Elves. I could speak to her myself and assure her all is well....the Dwarves though, that's a different matter." He touched his lips briefly. "Perhaps if you told them the same tale you told the humans, they would be satisfied. I am blind now, harmless...." His mouth took on a bitter twist. "There is nothing to fear from me but the sharpness of my words."

Thor shared a glance with Sif. "I will consider this advice in due turn. Do you have one in mind to escort you to the elf Queen, or shall I choose on your behalf?"

"Who would I choose but those I could trust not to harm me?" Loki spread his arms. "Yet you are King, and have better things to do and certainly I could not ask our mother, though she would surely love the excuse to visit their fine realm. Perhaps Volstagg or Fandral would take the task?" He paused to chuckle. "Though Fandral would likely flirt with all the elven maids and cause a worse problem than I.....so perhaps not."

"Volstagg is enjoying a happy and well deserved retirement." Thor said. "I wouldn't ask this of his old bones, but Fandral can behave himself well enough." Thor's tone turned more severe. "But you owe him an apology, brother. The way you acted before to him, though I blame you little for it with your mind having been so addled."

"I will speak to him of it and assure him of my sincere distress that he and I would ever be other than friends." Loki assured Thor with a bow. "I know you received a letter no doubt scathing from Karnilla. Why have you not mentioned her?"

"Karnilla concerns me very little." Thor replied. "Balder can handle her. You know how she feels about you, but it will pass as all of her tantrums do."

"Such a thing to say." Loki quirked a smile in amusement.

"Speaking of Balder." Sif spoke up. "Perhaps he would like to go. If any could soothe the elves, it would be he."

"Balder is better served where tempers are _not_ so easily soothed." Loki responded. "Though he certainly isn't going to lie on my behalf. I doubt he even can."

Thor sat back on the throne and stared at his younger brother, who he believed couldn't see his intense and thoughtful gaze. "Once you were Asgard's primary diplomat. Do you think you could serve in that role again, in spite of this handicap?"

Loki arched a brow. "I was of the impression that Balder, though King of Nornheim, was serving Asgard in that capacity. How does he do that and still serve Nornheim as King, by the way?"

The looks of contempt that settled onto Sif and Thor's faces would have given plenty of answer if Loki could let on that he could see them. Instead he simply cocked his head and waited.

"Karnilla treats our brother like a prized pet." Thor said at last. "He does not rule, and has evidently all the free time he could ever want. I was surprised as you when I discovered that doesn't really appeal to him."

Loki snorted and groped about to find the throne and a place to sit, though he nearly chose to land in Thor's lap for entertainment's sake before his brother pushed him to the arm of the throne instead. "Is that contempt for Karnilla or arrogant Balder I hear in your voice?"

Sif sighed. "Balder isn't arrogant any longer and he hasn't been for quite a few centuries. Why are we on this topic?"

"Apologies." Loki turned his head toward her and fought an amused look at how uncomfortable she looked. Sitting on a hard throne for even half the day couldn't be enjoyable in her state of pregnancy. "Let's see, I asked one question and then another. You wish for me to be Asgard's diplomat, but Balder fills that role. Might we also have forgotten that I committed to Ragnarok but a century past? Those who protest my position at your side may protest far more violently if I were to venture away from it, and a blind man is no challenge for a coward to draw blade upon."

It didn't matter that he wasn't actually blind, or that he had been practicing his forms in secret, or taking walks with Sleipnir past the training grounds to watch the warriors--and shield maidens--practice. He hadn't seen real battle in a century, he had to be careful about building muscle lest it be remarked upon and regardless of anything else, a smart assassin was a quiet one and Loki didn't have the same keenness of hearing that a truly blind person might. His only advantage _there_ lay in that the assassin would assume Loki couldn't see them coming and so may approach him from the front.

"You wouldn't be without guarded escort, brother." Thor pointed out.

"And how am I to trust my guard wouldn't decide the realms were better off without Ragnarok's herald?"

Thor and Sif exchanged a glance to which Loki had to pretend to be unaware--but _oh_ the tells people gave away when they thought he couldn't see them.

"It seems to me, brother" Thor said, turning back to him. "that you have absolutely no trouble speaking of Ragnarok, but a greater difficulty in saying _why_ you committed to it in the first place. Why don't you--"

"Ha!" Loki pushed off the arm of the throne and nearly stumbled on his robe for the sake of theatrics. "No no, I walked into it myself, but you'll not trick me into boasting, Thor."

"Then don't boast. Tell it plainly and to your King."

"Would you command it of me?" Came the question in a bland tone.

"Would it make a difference if I did?" Thor replied, mimicking Loki's tone.

"You could command me, and perhaps I would even tell you, but I'd promise you that this love I have felt blooming for you in my blackened heart would shrivel thereafter."

"Then tell your Queen." Sif spoke and Loki half-turned back toward her without fully looking her way. "There is no love lost between us to shatter if so commanded by me."

"There was once, Sif." Loki replied softly. "But you, as ever, chose Thor." He turned away and shrugged slightly. "I'll sooner cut out my tongue, or submit to Dwarven awl and leather to sew my lips again before I would speak on it."

"Why?!" Thor snapped before he forced himself to moderate his tone. "Why, Loki? You were angry at--at the Allfather, so I can understand why you wouldn't tell him, but why do you still refuse to speak of it now?"

Loki smiled thinly. "Angry? Alright, here's something for you, brother. I was angry I failed. Angry I was caught. Odin never deserved the answers. Not for raising me as a tool. A tool that didn't even fulfill its purpose. A tool he discarded the first chance he got, and would have left to rot forevermore, but then he gave up the throne to his firstborn, and his firstborn eventually remembered--"

"Loki." Thor cut him off with a surprisingly even tone. "Father loves you, even if he is very bad at showing it. He's been trying harder of late to be a good father. One of the reasons he stepped down from the throne was because he wanted to be a better father instead of a good King."

"A _good King_ has more mercy and would have at least killed me rather than leaving me to lose my mind. One and one and one again. So long I forgot how to count any other way."

"Why did you try to commit Ragnarok, Loki?" Sif spoke up again, trying to bring the discussion back on topic.

"For reasons you would never understand." Loki turned away and called his guiding cane to his hand with his magic. "If it's any consolation, even if I _could_ see, I wouldn't try again. Not until it really _is_ time."

"What does that mean, brother?" Thor asked, but Loki just started walking away. "Loki, what does that mean?! 'Not until it really is time'? Loki!" But Loki would not answer, and for reasons of his own, Thor chose not to pursue it further for the time being. Still, it was a clue, and it certainly wasn't the end of the discussion.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Odin was standing at one side of the hallway as Loki exited, and it was hard for the trickster to ignore him. It was true that he was no longer the frightened child-mind that Thor had extracted from the cell near Mimir's Well, but that didn't mean he wasn't wary. He hadn't been lying in what he'd said to Thor that Odin considered him nothing more than a tool, for that was the truth as he knew it.

"Loki."

Even his voice was enough to set Loki's teeth on edge and his hand tightened on the guiding cane as he resisted the urge to turn and face the older god.

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Oh, I believe you've plenty to say." Odin replied drolly. "But fortunately, as do I." Loki heard him step closer. "You've recovered from your imprisonment well."

"By _your_ standards, mayhaps." Loki finally turned to face Odin, purposely focusing on the right of him instead of trying to make eye contact.

Odin's expression was hard to read, which was about typical from what Loki remembered of him. This was not the Odin who had been trying to treat his children better. This was the Odin Loki knew, the calculating old man who considered the angles. The man who might just see through Loki's ruse and realize he wasn't as sightless as he pretended.

"Your vision will no doubt return in time." Odin said at last, debunking that assumption--or at least playing along with the act. "If it does not, you will learn to adapt."

"How kind." Loki spat. "Fortunate for me Thor isn't like you and won't have me locked away in a room like you did to Hodir, or leaving me to rot in that cell for the rest of all time."

Odin frowned, though to what exactly Loki couldn't say. "You commit a crime such as Ragnarok, and yet you rail against your family for the lack of mercy shown you?" The former King said at last. "Have you truly learned nothing from your imprisonment?"

The cane handle splintered in Loki's hand, it having not been made to withstand Asgardian-level strength. He ignored the scratches the broken material gave him, as the injuries were minor and would mend before too much blood was spilled. If only it wasn't so fragile he would consider attempting to crack Odin over the head with it.

He lowered his head slightly, sightless-seeming eyes focusing directly on Odin in his temper. "You were hoping I would die." He stated through bared teeth. "You've never forgotten what I really am beneath this more pleasant appearance, and my brother has told me some _interesting_ things about my.....species. Things _you_ would have known....like what isolation _does_ to Jötnar."

"I knew." Odin admitted with no sign of remorse or regret what so ever. "I also knew from your small size that you weren't fully Jötun, and that you have a godhead which no other member of your particular kind of giant happens to enjoy. I knew you would likely survive in some state."

The cane handle broke completely and its remains clattered to the floor. Loki threw the broken bit in his hand at Odin, though his wild attack was easily ducked. "And that I wouldn't starve?!" He hissed. "You would have left me to my madness for eternity if you'd had your way!"

Odin looked back at Loki in impassive silence, and Loki bit his tongue until it bled to keep from continuing to scream at him in hopes of getting a reaction. When Odin continued to hold to his silence, Loki forced himself to turn away. He started to stalk off before he remembered he was supposed to be blind and forced himself to fumble for the wall. Odin's silence was in itself telling, and Norns as his witness, Loki was going to make him pay for it!

\------------------------------------------------------------

Night had fallen, food had been delivered to Loki's room and the tray taken away again when he was through with it. Now that he was interruption free, barring Thor or Sif deciding they needed to take up his time, he could concentrate on a plan for revenge.

If he was a monster, and there was little doubt that he was, then who had made him into one but the strongest monster in all the Nine Realms? How had Odin brought the realms to heel in the first place? If Loki remembered his history correctly, the only realms Asgard hadn't gone to war with had been Alfheim, Midgard and Nidavellir, and given how irascible the Dwarves were, if there hadn't been a war it was only because it would be too easy to kick them over or threaten to bury them alive in their own caverns.

The point of the matter was that Odin was even less diplomatic than Thor was trying to be now and had won the realms mostly through force. Loki at least had _that_ point in his favor. After all, he had raised an army for Ragnarok on charm alone. Well, that and a heaping dose of false promises, but he was a God of Lies, so what did they expect?

He stared at his worktable now, or rather, what was sitting on it. Dried ingredients for spells and potions. Most of them had gone bad in the century he'd been imprisoned and so he would need to get fresh ones, but of what remained useful would it be enough to use against the once Allfather?

After taking stock of what remained viable, Loki uttered a frustrated sigh and put his head in his hands. No. Nothing he had would work. He wasn't even certain that if he had all fresh ingredients that any combination would be sufficient. He would need something more powerful, but also something subtle, for he had no intention of jeopardizing his position as Thor's advisor. No, it had to be something that couldn't be pinned on him. Maybe a powerful sleeping draught. Odin was surely overdue for an Odinsleep by now, so Loki would simply be helping him along. Then he just wouldn't wake up again. Yes. That could possibly work, and no one would think anything out of the ordinary.

Loki smiled to himself. He would definitely need fresh ingredients, for the plant he had in mind as the primary ingredient needed to be alive until the moment of harvest, which meant Loki would need to collect it himself and carefully for it to have the correct potency. He would need to plan it carefully. After all, blind men didn't go wandering about. But it wouldn't be too hard, he would simply need to plan it carefully and perhaps leave an illusion in his place just in case. Soon. Soon Odin would learn a valuable and fatal lesson in why Loki was not one to cross.


	13. Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter was like trying to squeeze water from a rock, but at long last here it is. I hope you enjoy, because Loki sure didn't.

Disclaimer: Writing this chapter was like trying to squeeze water from a rock, but at long last here it is. I hope you enjoy, because Loki sure didn't.

\------------------------------------------------------------

It took a couple more weeks before Loki's plan to get his revenge upon Odin was completed, and then he simply had to wait for the moment to implement it, which came conveniently enough the very next day when a dinner invitation was extended to he and Thor to sit with Odin and Frigga for a meal. Loki had been doing so well at giving advice that the realms (save Midgard) had ceased complaining about his position and the population of Asgard spoke that the solutions he suggested were generally fair and carefully considered with few dissenters. This, it was felt, needed to be rewarded and of course 'reward' seemed to mean 'family dinner'.

Loki was livid at the audacity. Of _course_ Odin thought sitting in his presence would be considered _reward_! It mattered not at all that a scant century and some odd years before, it would have been considered just that, for it certainly wasn't now. Once he'd calmed from his initial fury and the panic attack that had followed however, he realized that this was his chance to set his plan in motion and send Odin's soul off to Helheim, or given how Hela herself felt about her grandfather, right on to Niffleheim. Yes, that would be perfect. Ymir ruled Niffleheim and had been murdered by Odin and his brothers. It would be a fitting eternity to spend in the realm of one who hated you most.

The first thing he needed to do was sneak into the kitchen, which wearing a servant's guise let him do easily. Then he had to locate the food that was going to be served to his family, which proved more difficult but was eventually located as a large boar and vegetables imported from Alfheim. Finding the right moment to 'flavor' the wine with the ground up poison was the next hurtle, but that too was accomplished and all being done, Loki needed only sneak back to his rooms and behave as if he'd never left.

He had the servants wash and dress him, for presentation was important and playing at being blind meant he sometimes purposely mismatched. Then he waited for Thor to come for him so they could head to the dinner together.

This was where things took a turn for the worst very quickly. Upon entering the room with his hand on Thor's arm to guide him, Loki nearly stopped short when he saw that Balder was sitting at the table. He excused his stumble to Thor and rubbed his hand over his eyes. Balder who saw all truth was going to see the illusion on his eyes, and so he had no choice but to dispel it and hope no one took too close a look.

"Hail, brothers." Balder spoke. "How fare you both?"

Thor chuckled softly and helped Loki into a chair opposite Balder before taking his place beside Odin. "In matters of state, or personal? Sif is bound to give birth soon, or at least I _hope_ she shall, for she is miserable and it is making me thus also."

"Poor Thor." Loki teased, making a point of fumbling for his eating knife and also not wanting to answer Balder's question lest deception be found in his words. "Nothing worse than dealing with a pregnant wife. At least yours loves you, hm?"

Frigga, who was seated closest to Loki, cleared her throat lightly before the conversation could turn into a sniping contest and reached out to put some cuts of boar and a hearty helping of greens upon Loki's plate, since he had the ironic-for-Frost-Giant tastes of preferring vegetables to meats. "It's good to have the family all together again." She commented.

"Is it?" Balder commented softly. "Brothers?"

"It's always good to see you, Balder." Thor said. "Your work with Jötunheim has proven invaluable to learn of them as allies." Odin shifted a bit in his chair at mention of Jötunheim, and Balder's eyes narrowed slightly at his older brother. If there was one solid point of contention between the old King and the new, it was that Odin in no way approved of any kind of alliance with Jötunheim.

"Loki?" Balder spoke then.

"What? Do you want me to sing your praise?" Loki said, before he sighed. "You've....improved from the selfish, tattling brat you were and I....I am truly grateful for you getting that damnable collar off of me." He scratched at his neck at the memory of the thing. "It's good to have you here." Walking the fine line between truth and lie proved especially difficult when the person you were speaking to could detect and call you out on any falsehood.

Conversation ceased then as everyone filled their plates and for a few minutes the only sounds were of the five enjoying dinner. Loki was growing tense while trying not to show it. The plan had been to subtly sprinkle a bit of the antidote onto Thor and Frigga's food, but he hadn't anticipated Balder's presence. Balder who might see the spell that would perform the task. Loki could save himself easily enough, but what good would that do when the people he still cared for would succumb to the poison he had intended to kill Odin alone?

A bit of luck seemed to come his way however when Odin was the first to reach out for the pitcher of wine. If this didn't cause a chain reaction of the others also being inspired to fill their goblets, Loki might have been silently crowing victory. But as long as Odin was the first to _drink_ , it was still possible for this to go right.

"Something is wrong with the wine." Balder spoke up, and Loki froze. The youngest of Odin's sons lifted his goblet to peer at it, while the rest of the family watched in concern and in Loki's case, no small amount of trepidation. "Poison." Balder concluded.

"Poison?!" Loki exclaimed at the same time Thor did, but Balder fixated on him the second the word was out.

".....What know you of this, Loki?" Balder asked softly, and Loki knew he was doomed. There was nothing he could say, no action he could take that would divert suspicion. He had been doomed from the moment he had sat at the table.

Escape was the only option, but as he moved to push away from the table and flee, a strong hand closed on the back of his neck, cutting off his air and stealing his fight.

"Guards!" Thor called. "Take this traitor to the dungeons."

 _This traitor_. Not 'my brother', not even 'Loki'. As he was hauled from his seat bodily, shackles clasped to his wrists to contain his magic, he looked around the room. Thor's expression was stormy, but Loki thought he detected hurt under the anger. Balder looked disappointed, and Frigga sad. But Odin looked _smug_! He had expected this, anticipated it!

In spite of the hands pulling him back, Loki tried to lunge at him with a scream of hopeless rage. It was no use, of course and if anything it gave the guards an excuse to use even more force against him and he saw stars as he was clubbed hard on the back of the head to daze him. Loki went limp and chose to stop fighting. It was all over, and his only hope left was that Thor would at least show enough mercy to kill him.

\------------------------------------------------------------

_"One and one and one and one." Loki intoned, biting his wrist until blood flowed to his fingers so he could inscribe into the dirt his latest words. His clothing had all been given away, so he no longer had visitors for company. All he had now we're his words and the counting. No one to say his name, so he wrote it down. No one to hear his words, so he wrote them down._

_The light that filtered in was dim, making it hard to see. He hallucinated often, hearing and seeing things that weren't there. One and one and one again. He had no way of counting the days, though sometimes he thought he heard Ratatoskr--the squirrel who traversed Yggdrasil from bottom to top--delivering the insults from the eagle who sat at the crown of the World Tree, to Nidhogg who chewed upon the tree's roots and occasionally--though far less these days--the corpses of the unworthy._

_'I hate you', he wrote. 'I'm sorry', he wrote later. 'You'll all burn' and 'Please forgive me'. He couldn't make up his mind. Water occasionally leaked through the door, a side effect of the Norns watering the Tree and he lapped it up. Fuel for his blood so he could keep writing. One and one and one. He would be free if he only counted enough._

Loki awoke from his dreams with a start and he realized he wasn't in that dimly lit cell beneath Yggdrasil, but instead a brightly lit one beneath Asgard. He uncurled slowly from the corner he had wedged himself into, wondering why he had startled awake so violently.

"I think it's time for some answers."

Loki looked toward the voice to find the speaker--Balder, not Thor as he would have expected--in his cell with him. The barrier was up, but the youngest son of Odin was obviously not trapped as Loki himself was.

"Answers." Loki repeated, moving to sit up and keeping wary attention on Balder. "Why the poison in the wine, you mean?" His lips curled into a snarl, but Balder was shaking his head before Loki could continue. 

"No, brother. You made it fairly obvious our father was the target--"

" _Your_ father!" Loki snapped. "Yours, not mine!"

"Semantics and not the point." Balder replied. "I want to know why you committed to Ragnarok."

Loki huffed a laugh and say back against the wall, drawing a leg up and resting his arm on his knee. "I didn't tell Odin, nor Thor nor Sif, so what makes you think I'd tell you?"

Much to Loki's surprise, Balder's normally stoic-seeming expression darkened. "Because I played my part in it, and lost Hodir. You owe me an explanation."

"Losing your twin was no real loss at all." Loki said. "He was caustic, irascible and impossible to like."

Balder shifted his position to get closer to Loki, and for the second time in about as many minutes, took Loki by surprise, this time by grabbing him by the collar of his clothes. 

"Are you describing my twin, or yourself?" Balder asked. "In here, with me, lies won't be abided. My twin, half of my soul, was lost to me on the hope that you would succeed. Tell me why you did it."

Loki shoved Balder's hands off. "Don't blame _me_ for _your_ decisions! You could have hampered, if not stopped, the whole thing! You knew what I was doing, and chose to help me! To 'play your role', so losing your _precious_ twin is your own fault!"

Balder sat back and smiled bitterly. "I'm not denying my part in this, Loki. Admittedly I didn't know what would happen when Hodir and I were separated by life and death, but that still isn't really the point. Just tell me why, Loki. You knew you might fail, but you felt it important enough to try anyway. I want to know why."

Loki straightened his clothes fussily. "And what if I told you? It isn't going to change my fate. You heard Thor. I'm a traitor _again_. Nothing is going to change that I poisoned the wine, never mind what I had _intended_ to have happen. I'm caught, and even admitting that I just planned to kill Odin Alltyrant isn't going to make it any less treason. I have no reason to tell you anything, and I don't owe you either!"

Balder sighed heavily. "Then let's start with that. Why try to kill our father?"

Loki gave a surprisingly animalistic growl. "He still isn't my father."

"He raised you, but again, unimportant semantics. Answer the question."

Loki rolled his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. "Norns but you're dim. He threw me into that cell beneath the World Tree with no intention of letting me out again. Leaving me to starve and suffer, to _go mad_ with full knowledge of what it would do to me! He admitted it outright when I confronted him!"

Balder considered the answer. "He admitted he never intended to let you out again, or just how isolation affects you differently than it would Aes and Van?"

"I fail to see what difference it makes, but the latter."

"It makes a bit of a difference." Balder looked to his older sibling. "I mostly grew up in Nornheim, as you know. I grew up under the care of a cruel woman obsessed with me. Yet, I know this about our--about my--father. He can be cold, manipulative certainly and has an appalling lack of understanding in what it takes to raise children well. But you and Thor, at least when I knew you last, were thick as thieves. Odin relinquished the throne fifty one years ago, to your brother who loves you. He had to have known Thor would come for you sooner or later."

"Half a century late." Loki snarled. "What does that have to do with anything? If you're trying to make me see his side, you're failing spectacularly."

"More what I believe we're his motives, but let's just get back to the point." Balder sighed. "Tell me why you committed Ragnarok. Please."

"Oh. He says 'please'." Loki snarled.

"We know you'll try again one day, it's your piece of destiny. But you've already shifted the wheel to spin a different future, one I couldn't see." Balder sighed heavily. He might have been trying to convince a wall to crumble for all the progress he seemed to be making. "If you tell me, I'll plead your case with Thor, point out the suffering you endured because of Odin's actions. Few know what you did last night. Your imprisonment was harsher than you should have endured for the time you endured it. There may be leniency, even wergild for you. But that chance only exists if you give me my answer."

Loki stared at him. "You must be truly desperate for answers to offer me _that_." He eyed Balder, and then exhaled gustily. ".....It seems so.....foolish now." He muttered, wishing he could lie, give a better reason, but knowing full well Balder would know the falsehood immediately. "You swear, no matter how much you dislike the answer, that you'll still plead my case to Thor?"

"Give me the truth, and I swear I will, regardless of how I feel about your answer." Balder replied. 

Loki sighed heavily again and shifted position, purposefully taking a more relaxed pose even though he really just wanted to hide. "I wanted Asgard to forget I was Jötun."

Balder stared, then sat back, stunned. "That's why? All the death, all the suffering and pain, simply because you were ashamed of your heritage?"

"Because I was _tormented_ for it!" Loki snapped. "I can no longer remember how, but all of Asgard got the knowledge and what respect and fear I was able to still command was gone!" His lips curled back in a snarl. "Guards and servants, nobles and the rest. In spite of being a Prince, I was treated like nothing! I was mocked, taunted, my species used as a slur! I should have killed them outright for their audacity, but instead I made a crystal to contain my memories so I would remember, and then I put my plan in motion. I had no other choice. They called me a monster, so fine, but I would be one of my own choosing."

Balder closed his eyes for several long moments, then moved to stand. "I'll plead your case with Thor." He said. "Though hopefully, I won't have to do much. One last question, brother. Why was it so hard to admit that? I mean the question honestly."

"Of course you do, you're incapable of being dishonest." Loki spat to the side. "Thor's never been able to fathom what it means to be mocked and belittled. Nor, for that matter, do you. But you at least know I'm telling the truth. As for why I didn't confess to Odin at the time, that's simple; he wouldn't have cared."

"Being uncomfortable with deception and unable to commit it are two different things." Balder replied. "And for that, as well as my lack of empathy as a child, I am truly sorry, Loki." He turned away to walk to the barrier. "Alright, I'm ready."

The barrier was dropped, and Balder stepped out. Loki began to mull over his situation, but barely began a thought before another voice grabbed his attention.

"You realize you've just admitted to playing a part in Ragnarok?" Thor's voice carried back to Loki.

"I realize full well what I've done, my brother and fellow King." Balder replied, their voices getting fainter as they walked away. "I'm fully prepared to face the consequences."

At first Loki fumed furiously that Thor had been nearby the whole time listening, but then the full implications of that fact sunk in and he smiled. Balder had admitted to his part, and given that Ragnarok could have been averted entirely if he had simply refused to cooperate, really he was even more guilty than Loki himself was. At least he could have that small bit of satisfaction.


	14. Heir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's that? It didn't take me three months to update? It's a back to school miracle! Short and bittersweet, but hopefully satisfying.

Loki languished in that cell for three more days and other than guards bringing him food, he received no visitors. On the dawn of the fourth day however, four guards came to get Loki. He was shackled of course, but much to Loki's surprise they didn't otherwise manhandle him and rather than taken publicly through the main palace, he was directed through back passageways to arrive at the throne room.

Thor and Sif sat together waiting as Loki was brought up to the throne. Something seemed strange about Sif, but Loki couldn't place it until what he thought was her gravid belly whined and she reached down to pick it up. It seemed that during his short incarceration, she had finally given birth. 

“I’ve thought at great length as to what should be done with you.” Thor addressed his sibling while Loki was still coming to this revelation. He appeared weary, though that was of little surprise with a new baby. "Balder spoke on your behalf as he promised and his own role in Ragnarok has been considered, but the fact remains that you have shown no remorse for your actions, and I begin to think you never will. I gave you my trust, and you rewarded me with deception and an attempt at murder." He sighed heavily. “But in light of the fact that I agree your punishment was overly harsh, I shall grant you one leniency. You are banished, Loki.”

"Banished?" It was both better and worse than what he'd been hoping for. "Wait, Thor! My King!" He pulled against the chains. "There's more to the story! At least grant me the right to explain myself!"

Thor and Sif looked intrigued, as Loki had known they would. It might not change his fate, which all in all was a generous one regardless, but it would give him time to look for a way out. "Yes, there was poison in the wine." He began. "But had Balder not been there, I would have slipped the antidote into all but Odin's drink. We would--including me--have spent a miserable night, but only Odin would have died." He looked to Sif. "You would have become mysteriously nauseous before the meal, so you would not have ingested the wine at all. I had no intention of harming the baby....and my congratulations, by the way."

"I _would_ have become nauseous?" Sif repeated. "Except that I did. That nausea simply turned out to be a precursor to labor." She looked down at the bundle in her arms with a fond look. "Her name is Thrud."

"I knew it would be a girl." Loki said quietly, before looking back to Thor, who's expression was quite the opposite of Sif's. "I'm not going to deny what I did, but are you _honestly_ going to tell me he didn't deserve it after everything? You said it yourself, brother. He stole me from a family that did in fact want me. He lied to me my whole life, and when I found out the truth he turned from me. I tried to play the good son, and what was my reward? Am I God of Lies because of my skill in deception or because everything I was raised into was?"

"His actions don't excuse yours, Loki." Thor replied. "Yes, he lied to you, but you are the one who chose to react to that deception with violence. I've heard your reason, but your wronged feelings makes it no less a crime and if you've nothing further to say--"

"But I do!" Loki interrupted. "He threw me into that cell, alone and in darkness! He _knew_ I wouldn't handle it the way an Asgardian would! He left me there to lose my mind!"

"Are you aware of the properties of that cell, Loki?" Thor asked. "It's called Redemption. If you had regretted your crime, truly felt remorse, it would have released you. I knew what I was doing when I came for you. I thought maybe there was another way to redeem you. I only found out afterward how thoroughly my father's plan failed. How could you regret your crimes when you'd forgotten what you had done? That's why I'm granting you leniency now. You are banished, Loki. Nothing you say will change that."

But maybe banishment wouldn't be so bad. He could go anywhere, in or outside the Nine, and if Thor was anything like Odin then banishment didn't mean forever. If he decided he wanted to return to Asgard one day, then he'd simply need to find out what Thor wanted him to do in order to earn his way back.

"Before you send me away, I want to know my niece's face." Loki said. "I've been waiting all this time to meet her. I swear I'll leave without protest if you grant me that one last thing."

Thor looked to Sif and arched a brow in silent question, leaving it entirely up to her. Sif sighed softly, but then she stood to descend the dais and go to Loki, holding up her infant for him to see.

Loki couldn't help the soft smile that spread across his face as Thrud tried to focus on him with eyes that didn't quite have that ability just yet. "Hail Thrud Thordottir." He whispered. "May it be that we meet again one day. I've no doubt you'll excel in whatever path your life takes you."

Satisfied, he nodded to Sif, and as he'd sworn, allowed himself to be escorted away. They took him to the Bifröst, where Heimdall informed him that as long as he swore not to try conquering or massacring anyone that he could go wherever he chose. Loki considered this offer, and then he made a choice that surprised everyone, including him. "Jötunheim."

The shackles were removed, and away Loki was sent. The trickster knew he would no doubt be closely observed, but it mattered little. His family had wanted him, and maybe it was time to get to know them. It wasn't as if he had anything better to do now and maybe he could turn this situation to his advantage.

\------------------------------------------------------------

"Did I make the right choice?"

Sif looked up from their daughter and arched a brow.

"In letting Loki live." Thor clarified. "In banishing him instead of imprisoning him."

"You never would have forgiven yourself if you had killed him." Sif pointed out. "As to banishment or imprisonment; he will scheme either way and I say it's better to prove yourself as different from your father as you safely can."

"Father isn't that bad." Thor protested, though it sounded weak even to his own ears. "He's simply a better King than parent and made some mistakes."

"I'm of the opinion your father knew exactly what he was doing." Sif replied. "We know force is his favorite conquering tactic, so why wouldn't that extend to family? Loki wouldn't bend knee, so more force was applied."

Thor's brows arched, and he turned more to look at his wife. "Well _this_ is a changed tone. Why are you now on Loki's side of this issue?"

"I'm simply stating what I see, Thor. I am War, and I know its faces." Sif glanced down at Thrud, who was quietly sleeping and then returned her gaze to her husband. "Your father is strategy and guile, but so is Loki. Two master strategists playing opposite sides of the field, and it seems neither will relent, even though one is already defeated."

"So we can assuredly expect to hear from Loki again." Thor said.

"You already know the answer to that, Thor. The question is when and how, not if." Sif carefully transferred Thrud to Thor's arms. "But we have one advantage. Our daughter will grow up on stories of your youth. She will hear of her uncle so that when they meet again, she will know him. Whether Loki returns in her youth or adulthood, she will know of him and if I've any measure of Loki then he will want to know of her. May it be that his curiosity undoes any more foul schemes."

"That's much to hope for." Thor said, and sighed. "But it is what we have. Asgard will be as it has ever been, and resist any force Loki may bring against it." He looked down at his daughter, so blissfully asleep and smiled. "Well, perhaps not _quite_ as it's ever been."

"Indeed not." Sif agreed. "Though I dare say it will be several centuries before I give Thrud a sibling." She sighed and then laughed at Thor's dramatically saddened expression. "Get back to me in a year or so."

"Indeed I shall!" Thor lifted his daughter carefully to kiss her forehead before returning her to her mother so they might get on with the day's business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now you know where the fic's title came from. :D
> 
> With this, I shed the last of the blood, sweat and tears I sacrificed to this fanfic. I hope you all enjoyed the trip!


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